14th February. That is the day which happens to be Valentine's Day, according to my sources, and yes, I said that. According to my sources at least, because none of my calendars shows a red print among black for the 14th of February. I was trying to think of whether that was a reason, or maybe and excuse enough for me to spend my day normally on this day which is highly regarded by lovebirds from all over the world, and most importantly some in my inner circle. I, fortunately found an answer. I always do anyway. I find answers, and it was far too obvious that I initially thought. I actually have a reason, and not an excuse!!! Great. Let's get it then.
Ideally, some of you would
expect this to be something more complicated. Well, it is not. It’s as simple
as "I don't have a girlfriend". Period! I know that at this point
people are having two rather unpleasant thoughts about me now. The other part
of the readership is thinking that I am despising Valentine's day due to the
fact that I haven't found my better half yet, while the rest are thinking that
by saying that I am single I am marketing myself or trying to buy the sympathy
of ladies. Nice thinking, but you are all wrong, anyway. I know many people
would not believe this. I don't expect them to, anyway, but much as my current
status has been influenced by circumstances, I can comfortably say a big
percentage of it is by choice. Weird, huh? Whatever. We all have friends who
act weird in a way, anyway, do we not?
That was a bit of
digressing. Back to the issue at hand. Valentine's Day. Being the kind of man I
am will mean that the only special thing about this day for this year is that t
is a Friday, now for some reason I love Fridays. A Friday is the only part of
the week when I have my life back to myself, if you know what I mean, so for
the Valentine's Day, or whatever people call it, I will be in my room, playing
my songs. Maybe on Fruity Loops and maybe on some series. Studying in the worst
case scenario. Now I am not writing this to discredit someone who will be at
some poolside with his or her loved one. I am a nicely mannered young man, and
sometime in my upbringing someone told me the Chichewa saying ukapanda mano
usamaswa phale. They went on to tell me what that meant too, so I won't
start writing about how clueless someone is to be spending valuable time and
money celebrating Valentine's Day just for the fun of it. I know people have to
do that, but I am a doctor in training, and I'm taught never to say never,
which means I won't rule out cluelessness on other people’s part.
On a positive hand, I have
to say it is nice to spend time with a loved one on days like these ones. Unfortunate
for some of us, we will be alone. Not an issue for my kind of man. Swazi you
might say. Well, whichever way people define that word, which I must confess
not to like, I feel like I am not that. Actually it is for a simple reason.
Something to do with what my brother Friday Odala told me. "Swazi is just
one term. You believe it, you become one". Well, I believed him, and
single as I am, I am not one of those called by that name.
With many people taking the
Valentine's day as a special day and spending preponderant resources in gifts
and time (I value my time so much), a person like me can't help to wonder
whether the whole thing is worth it or not, and those of you who know me would
easily decipher which side my single brain is on this one, but don't get it
wrong. It is not because I hate relationships. It is just that I don't like the
way people handle them.
At some point, I remember
having written some kind of lamentation, after observing the fast rate at which
people were breaking up from relationships and the increased turnover rate for
partners, and yes, that was in my friends. That was one time that I almost lost
interest in this relationship and dating business and I almost concluded that
it doesn't work. Well, I was wrong. It really does work, but for some very few
people. Very few. As a relationship is something that requires fuelling from
two people, it kind of makes me wonder whether it is possible to really find
someone with who one can synchronously work to fire up a relationship that can
work out to the ideal.
Ideal? Someone might ask,
and yeah. There is an ideal. I believe in the possibility and existence of
ideal situations and I believe that every relationship needs to have a common
end point, and that that shouldn't be a Facebook post infested breakup, but
rather an honorable marriage. I didn't have to be a believer to know that. That
was just common sense to me, but unfortunately common sense is not that common
nowadays, so know people are cursing me for what I said here. Zanu zimenezo, but I said it.
What am I driving at, then?
What I am saying, if I am to put it in simple terms is the simple piece of advice
that you don’t have to be celebrating over something not worth celebrating,
like a clueless relationship, or the one that has a certainty of a catastrophic
end. I am not saying that all relationships should end up in marriage. Would have said that if I wanted to, but that
is not my point for now, because I know things happen. What I am saying is that
people need to go into relationships with some degree of certainty of what might
happen in the near future, otherwise it is meaningless for a person in the
twenties and above to be having a wadya
balalikani kind of relationship and to be calling that a life; and above
all, to be celebrating Valentine’s day with it. That is what I have always and
will always to preach against. If you are to climb an anthill and start
announcing about your relationship, or if you are to go to that photo shoot
that it at Mount Soche for this lovebirds day, you better be sure that it is
worth it, otherwise we will laugh at you. And mind you, when you make those
shows with those uncertain relationships, people record, and anthu amakono akakhwatcha sakhululuka.
Fellow single people. Let us
dignify ourselves. I personally don’t find it a thing of dignity for a person
who is single to be all over his or her Facebook timeline, directly or
indirectly crying like a little baby over a Valentine’s Day mate. What for?
This goes, especially to the men, who have the more control over the situation;
relatively; at least than their lady counterparts. That doesn’t serve as an exoneration
for the ladies, though. Behave yourselves. Don’t show us that you are
desperate, otherwise we will believe you, and for some reason, nowadays, people
don’t like desperate partners. Gwirani,
gwidwani. Mupeze otuluka naye. And remember, single days are a gift from
God.
Let us also not spoil
others’ day by making them feel as outcasts for the fact that we are not
joining them. If you can’t acknowledge them for the fun they are having, how do
you expect to join them? I know most of us don’t like admitting it, but we all
need that someone we could be in love with. I personally can’t wait for the day
I will finally be in a relationship, koma
osati ngati zinazi. I mean a good one. Let us wish our fellows in the
double side the best as we work on ways of getting out of the singles side.
One more thing. Let us not
get things twisted. Valentine’s Day is for spouses. I am personally not buying
excuses like ‘I will be celebrating with my mum’. We got Mothers’ Day for that,
so if you don’t have anyone to go out with, don’t shame yourself with such
‘unclever’ (I wanted to say stupid) scapegoats.
A HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO
ALL THOSE CELEBRATING. KEEP THE LOVE UP!!!
