The Untapped Resource Known as a Friend

For some reason I feel like I have to warn you, dear reader that the content of this post is too extremist. The sort of thing that would make you hate me or something like that. But is the truth, anyway and I have to admit that much as my posts are about informing, this one is just more of sharing a piece of my radical mind with you. Get what appeals from you and leave the rest. I still think it is something to go by, though. Objectively, that is.

I won't try to get around this topic with some fancy Shakespearian sort of writing (assuming I haven't done that already). I will go straight to the point; and as the title suggests, many of us have that untapped resource that has the potential of turning our life around; and it is called a friend.

In my view, friends are special people who you talk to not only on general matters of life (or death) but also on particular and specific issues. That is what makes friendship exciting for me because I can use (not abuse) my friends while at the same time making myself useful in a friendship.

Some of you might think his is rocket science and it is simply because your friends are what one of my own friends would call "liabilities"; the sort of you that add nothing but above that drain you of everything you have and you are. That bring us to the point of the choice of friends.

Someone (who people consider wise. Simply can't remember him) once said that you are the sum total of the five people you spend most of your time with. Might not be exactly true, but the guy had a point. The moment you have friends, the times you spend, the conversations you have, the things you do together and everything else simply alters you. I would say it registers in your subconscious mind if I am to be more scientific with my explanation.

Most of us young people have purposeless friends and get into purposeless friendships every now and then (trying so hard no to get to the relationships thing here); the sort that are short lived and do not have happy endings. For some reason we do not realize these things and we are okay about it. Feeling guilty? Don't! Been there too.

In case you feel like getting out, I have a simple tip for you. Before befriending anyone, be it on the social media or in the real world, you have to ask yourself why you are doing it in the first place. Truth be told, not everyone has to be your friend. Some just have to remain what they are; neighbours, church mates (yeah, that one too), roommates, workmates, classmates, teachers, students and people we know and it is because they do not add anything to our lives. I know that may sound extreme and some are wondering what sort of parasite the author is. Well, it is not that bad and here is another angle to it. You don't necessarily have to reap from every friendship, but if you can't harvest anything, at least make sure the other party is benefiting.

The implication? Don't be in a friendship with someone you can't benefit from you and at the same time you can't benefit from, because that is what the management of this blog defines as a useless friendship. The sort of thing we call rubbish.

Having covered Friend Choice 101, we need to proceed to the main point of the discussion which is making the most of a friend. Now as put across, a friend is a resource and nothing less than that. If you don't agree you can as well go to Mars and live alone. Truth remains that we go into a friendship looking for happiness, whether you agree with this or not. There we are then. To make the most of your friends we just have to make sure that we look for the things that matter from the friends we have.

That brings us back to Choice 101. When choosing your friends you have to know why you are "adding" that friend in life. It is that simple.

The best friends in life are the ones with whom we share a common ground, be it in career, spirituality and other things that matter. They are the sort of people who see life in a similar or more positive way as compared to us; the sort of people who elevate us even when we are way better than them and the sort of people who believe in our dreams (assuming that we have them). Friends have to be uplifting in a particular aspect.

Care for friends. Another important aspect we do not have to overlook. As an asset, every friend needs to be cared for, even when you are the parasite who wants to benefit. Don't make it obvious that you are looking for something. Say hie every morning if necessary and goodnight before you go to bed. Visit them and welcome them if need be, and above all, my theistic friends, pray for their prosperity. They need to prosper for them to keep inspiring you and to share with you the resources they have; monetory or otherwise. Be there for them when they need emotional support and in short, use them but do not abuse them.

Away with theories. I just have to share a bit of my friend recruitment and management skills. I must say I am scared to type this because when some of my dear friends who I care about this read it, they might drop me for alleged parasitism. But this is part of managing them, so I have to tell the world nothing but the truth to show how much I treasure them.

I have some friends who I knew just by the fact that we share(d) some common ground. Church mates, schoolmates and all. Very valueable people, and the fact that we still talk at length after knowing each other in those platforms means we have something to offer to each other; most probably you have something to offer to me.

Then there is the second type of friends which I manage by the book from recruitment. These are the sort of people I invite into my life for a purpose although most of them do not know I do. These ones are invited for a special purpose; a narrow one. They probably know it what I want before I say it when I call and I am prudent with the way I handle them. I always try to make myself useful for them when I can and when they need me so that I should not just be a burden to them. Strategy.

Then there is the other type which I ideally was supposed to have as my first love type. People who should download the benefits I reap from those I harvest from. Sadly there are hardly any people in this group. Wanna know why? Too many people with cardiomegaly (okula mtima) among us. There are so many people who can get some new stuff from people like me, but no matter how I open up they don't seem to unclench their fists to receive. My problem? Obviously not. I still get what I need from the people I ask for it and whether someone gets it from me or not doesn't matter. I am willing to give to those who ask, but I am not in the business of forcing favours on people.

Whoa! That got too personal. Main point of this is that if you are not yet into this you need to start choosing friends wisely and to manage them the same way. Then you will turn your life around in many aspects be it moral, spiritual, academic, social, financial (this one too) and any other.

Some will tell you that friendship is overrated but I tell you that friendship is grossly underrated and you have that untapped resource called a friend. Use it but don't abuse it.

Dedicated to my friends; Harry, Edmond, Clifford, Cornelius, Peter and Pilirani (this one is a set), Madalitso, Gideon, Precious, Senior, Ireen, Anthony, Donna, Brenda, Steve, Angella, Dominic, Thandie, Upile, Thembi, Tadala, Max, Brian, Mike, Li, Ken, Florence, Chikondi and last but not least, Lady Richie herself. This also goes out to every other friend I could not mention but has ever put a smile on my face.

I thank God for the gift of you in my life.

Poly Closure: Personal Views

The issue in the air in as far as tertiary education in the country is concerned is that of the closure of the Polytechnic; a constituent college of the University of Malawi. There has been a lot of reaction to the issue, subjective and objective alike and I just had to give my own comment on this.

When I first heard that the Wadiyans were demonstrating just some 3 days after the arrival of continuing students my best guess was that the demonstration was money related. Everybody who is following the issue now knows that my instincts were right and the demonstrations started because of fees and upkeep allowance issues.

From what I gather, the administration wanted to deduct some money from the upkeep and redirect the same towards the payment of fees (I stand to be corrected) but that is not too important if we are to go by what this post is about. What is of the paramount importance is that the issue was about money, as I had correctly surmised upon hearing that some intellectuals had blocked the Highway.

Some might wonder as to why I immediately though of money as the etiologic agent of the demonstration. Well. It is not that much of rocket science. Pretty much every kodo kodo I have witnessed from the Polytechnic came out of money issues; be it the book allowance (popularly known as SACCO) or school fees. This, to everyone who reasons objectively should beg the questioon as to what or most importantly who is causing this whole thing. Is it the spirit of entitlement and impatience on the students part? Should the blaming finger point to the administration?

As a believer in something called contact and dialogue, I would point my blaming fingers (we always need to find someone to blame) on both the students and the administration; and for a good reason.

I will be referring to what I have heard about this situation because I believe all the others were no different. According to inside sources, when the communication was made about the fees arrangement, the students called for an audience with the administration and that was not granted till the students decided to take it to the highway. One would question the administration as to why they did not grant the much needed audience to the students and the students as to why they could not wait a little longer before taking it to the streets and ruining it for themselves.

Away from the students and the administration,  I think this problem is coming from the way we as a country are financing our tertiary education. The modifications that are coming in the payment of school fees, provision of food and accommodation and book allowances are more of a curse than a blessing and if not addressed will continue to be a breeding ground for unrest in the public colleges and universities.

People might hate me for saying this but our tertiary education is too affordable and almost free. At the same time, intellectuals are supposed to be getting an amount almost equal to the yearly fees almost every month in the name of food and accommodation and as if that is not senseless enough some people have found ways of making the process even tougher to run on both the students and administrators' end. The end result is what we are seeing now; an unnecessary overlap between issues of fees and those of accommodation and meal allowances which in the old days were in a way unrelated.

This to me beg the question as to whether we as a country prematurely made the move to privatize the provision of food and accommodation in the public universities. It also makes me wonder as to whether reverting to the old system (if at all it is possible) would make things better or just worse.

I am told that we now have the National Council of Higher Education which is "reforming" the country's higher education system. Whoever is heading that thing (council, right?) should look at this as something that needs resolving otherwise we have for long applied a temporary solution (like closing colleges as if they are some hardware shop) to a permanent problem. If the financing and fees issues are not resolved, next thing you will hear is that the College of Medicine and then Chancellor College followed by Bunda and Mzuzu University are also in the streets.

To my fellow intellectuals? Patience helps. Let us accept the reality of where we are and try to be as patient as we can. On the other hand, if it becomes too much we have the option of a peaceful demonstration which does not equal to blocking roads and disturbing innocent passers by.

Someone who was selling airtime around Ginnery Corner was affected by teargas and had an early knock off. Do you know what that meant to his personal life?