I know this comes as a surprise because I haven’t been faithful with this thing of sharing little pieces of my mind. This week, however, I have been compelled to reflect on how my life has been as I will be turning 30. Scary milestone.
Usually, I do not pay attention to my birthdays and let the
change in the age rattle me much. I would however be lying if I said it is not
bothering me this time around. I am moving decades. I am also thinking about
how I thought of a 30-year-old person when I was 10, and the thought of
becoming that person doesn’t sit well with me as I believe that I should be
younger. Also… Isn’t 30 years ago supposed to be 1983 or something? Since when
did it become 1993? Are we sure our counting is ok? I have been finding it hard
to accept the fact that I am turning 30, so I decided to use this piece to help
me with adjusting to the new age.
As I reflected on my years of existence, one of the things
that came to mind is the miracle of life itself. I usually do not share these
accounts with anyone but there have been several occasions when I brushed with
the grim reaper. A near-miss of an accident that would have been the end of me
some time in 2001, bouts with malaria in ’06, ’10 and ’17 and another sickness
some time in 2008. And it is not just the mere existence of life either. I
would be a very ungrateful human if I were to say I haven’t lived through the
best of what life had to offer.
Having been raised by parents who were at some point both
working in the civil service, I had food on the table and a roof on my head
along with shoes on my feet, a thing many would have considered a luxury. I am
not sure about how the parents did it, but they somehow managed to put me
through secondary school at the time when my sisters were going through the
same. Being sent back to school because of outstanding tuition fees balances
was the order of the day. I am not complaining, though. I enjoyed those trips
home. If you are to forget everything, the one thing you need to remember is
that I am grateful that life has been good for me.
If someone were to ask me about how I had envisioned my life
at 30 back in 2013, I would have painted a picture so different from my current
life. As a matter of fact, someone asked me that question and the answer I gave best
describes the life of one Dr Bonfancio Sinyeka who happens to be a close friend
and avid reader. The 20-year-old me thought that at 30 I would be a doctor,
helping patients with cancer, and married and all that. If you were to wind the clock to 5 years later and asked me where I wanted to
be at 30, I would have told you that by this time I would be in the first or
second year of doctoral studies in medical statistics. Guess what I am? I am a first year PhD student. PhD in Statistics and Epidemiology. That brings me to the
lessons I have learnt in this period of being me; the first of which is on
planning.
When I first went to the College of Medicine, I was given an
opportunity to go through an interesting orientation programme in which several
speakers emphasized on planning life. Over the course of my studies, I attended
several motivational talks that indelibly cemented the values of planning in
me. I have said this, and I will say it again. The concept of motivational
speakers and life coaches may seem unappealing now because of the mistakes made
by some of them, but the transformative power of bits and pieces of their
messages is something we should not ignore. Through their content, I learnt of
the need to have a clear picture of what I want my life to be like in an extended period.
From 2013, I decided to get into the habit of having a
10-year plan on which my yearly plans would be based. If you read the previous
paragraph, you will notice that things have not gone according to the first of
those plans. On the other hand, I am compelled to believe that I will need to
make yet another of those 10-year plans because I believe that if I had not
made such 10 years ago, I would not have made the progress I made. If you were
to ask me to explain the diversion from the original blueprint, I would tell
you that my status is a product of adjustments that I had to make due
to circumstances and the coming in of new information. The punchline? It is ok
to completely change your plan to respond to the environment, new events and
new information. What is not ok is to live without an idea of where you
want to be in two or so years. If you are in your 20s and 30s, I would encourage
you to consider doing such. Where you can, write such a plan down.
Like every person, choices have been a huge part of my life.
Some choices have been easy ones while some have been difficult. What has been
interesting is the differences in the times when I had the liberty to pick
between A and B by myself and the times that I felt like the path to one option
had already been laid out for me. A classic example of the latter was the time
when I had to pick the program of study for my undergraduate studies. As a 17-year-old, I
felt too powerless to resist the suggestions that came from family and friends
for me to study medicine. I felt like all these people meant well and knew much
more than me, who wanted to make a career out of my love for computer
programming; ironically, the thing I do daily now. I am left wondering
how life would have been if I had decided to play by my own rules and head the
other way. On the other hand, I cherish the independence I have had in making
career decisions afterwards, including the time I picked a job that was offering
less remuneration over a 7-figure job, in the name of pursuing my dreams of
being a researcher.
The reason my career comes up when I think of choices is
that for a long time my career has been the thing that mattered the most in my
life. Over time, there has been a shift from that mentality as I now tend to
think that balance is more important. As someone who is leaning towards a career
in academics, I have learnt that it is important to have a fulfilling career
and not have a fulfilling life. Think of it this way. As I write this, I am
half a globe away from my better half and my family and friends. Being away
from loved ones was never a dream, but this is a thing I had to do for my career. Then there are the finances. The decision I made to push my career
meant sacrificing financial gains. Whether I catch up with my peers and
colleagues who went for the money right away or not will depend on how I play
the money game moving on. One may say that I am better off than many, but at
this point I am beginning to consider starting my family, and I am realizing
that doing so will require me to earn more to sustain the family I will head.
At one point I also need to ensure that my career shouldn’t get in the way of
family and life in general. Reflecting on all this has made me realize the
importance of planning life with detail and factoring every aspect of it
into the blueprint.
While thinking about balance, I am often reminded about the
importance of living my present life with my past and future in mind. While I
have a dream of what I would like to become by the age of 40, I find myself
constantly reminding myself that I am living the life I wanted at 25. That
tells me one thing. While I obsess about getting a better life in the next 10
years, I should take time to celebrate the wins along the way because I am living
the life I once dreamt of.
Being on this rock for the past 29 years has been fun. I
have lived through and learnt a lot, and the one thing I love the most about my
life is that I have allowed my curiosity to govern my life. Through the years,
I have allowed myself to be amazed and educated by every little thing in my
surroundings and that has expanded the way I think. I have dared and tried things,
some of which I cannot say I am proud of. I can however say that the person I
am now is a product of all the experiences I have had with my career, spiritual
life, love life, finances and social life. As I move into another decade and
push towards the forties, I have a fair idea of what to do and what not.
When I think about life thus far, I cannot help but be
proud. Everything aside, I am happy to have created the Richie Online brand,
which has you glued to whatever gadget following this life story which will
not be of any much benefit beyond being some nice toilet-seat reading
material. Then there is that RK Edits thing which has helped many achieve their
goals. Over the next few days, I will be spending some time thinking about how I
could reach out to more using these platforms and whether I need to do more.
I will be thirty in a few days. While I am not asking for gifts, I
would appreciate some. What I would appreciate more, however, is you exercising
restraint and avoiding sending that “you should get married” message.
Ndikudziwa chomwe ndikupanga ndipo ndikudzidzimutsani.
Enjoy the long weekend and remember this. There was no
holiday without my birthday.
