Beyond Banter

It is yet another Friday, and once again, we have an article on the serving. To be fair, I have a feeling that I have talked about this before, but in the spirit of adding details and a cooler story, I will still do it. It is not like I am copying and pasting from the old article anyway.

When I am not working on my academic shenanigans or poking fun at annoying Manchester United or Arsenal fans, I like to have meaningful conversations with wise people. That 40 years or above age, you dig? It is an interesting demographic to talk to, and what I would like to share with you are the proceeds of one such conversation.

On one Tuesday afternoon, I happened to be telling this good man about an impending trip. Now, this was not one of those trips to the United Nations headquarters or to some fancy university to do some fancy work. I was going to some small town to visit a good old friend of mine and just decompress after looking at statistics symbols and numbers for a long time and getting exhausted. The plan was to do some fun activities then meet up with some people. I had not expected much to come out of the conversation about this plan when this man threw me a curveball.

When I mentioned the list of people I was to meet, the good man was quick to inquire as to what the guys do for a living. Now, I must mention here that I do have some impressive people on my speed dial, and the two I was hanging out with on that weekend happen to be on that list. Noticing the importance of time, the wise man charged me to ensure that I plan my conversation and make sure that we discuss the important things as we played golf or did whatever fun things we had lined up. That was not something I had thought about before, but at that time, I was encouraged to write up some talking points in our chats: finances and investment, family, career, spirituality, and other things along those lines. Down on the list was Manchester United, as these two friends happen to belong to that annoying fan base.

By the time I met these guys in November 2023, I had known them for a little over 10 years, but this time our conversations were different. It probably wasn’t entirely due to the intentionality with which I handled our chats, but our conversations were full of maturity and insight despite the occasional banter. When I came out of that environment, I was challenged in many ways and prompted to make some changes for the better. Some of those have stuck with me and will continue to make an impact in my life for as long as I breathe. That is how impactful one weekend was.

As I have mentioned, I had known these guys for over 10 years. In all those 10 years, we have celebrated each other’s successes and seen each other grow. We had also had many uplifting and productive conversations over the years. However, none of such produced the impact it did in my life, and part of that is due to the fact that the random good bits of our conversations just fell in as the matrix to the banter about the many things that we talked about on a daily basis. That got me thinking that maybe, sometimes we underutilize our friends. Like I said, I know I talked about this in the “Better” article. I even wrote a whole article about your network being your net worth, for those who have been following my vent window called a blog for a while. Hear me out, though, because I think I have something new in this one. Let me share some thoughts.

When I mentioned my friends to this man, he did one thing that I had probably overlooked, and that was to recognize their success. Sometimes we need to take an intentional inventory of our friends and look at the fields in which they have registered success because it will be hard for us to benefit from their wisdom if we don’t see it. Whether in business, career, marriage, spirituality, or any other good area of life, look at what your friends have excelled in and recognize that it has the effect and potential to impact others, including yourself.

Seeing and acknowledging success. And then what? Well. Here is one interesting thing. Your peer’s success has the potential to elicit two responses from you; you could either be inspired or intimidated. You may be no stranger to the fact that there are people who don’t show up for reunions for the fear of the intimidation posed by their more successful peers. When you see that a primary school classmate is succeeding, you should see inspiration and positive admiration.

Once you recognize success and choose inspiration over intimidation, you are more likely to be willing to learn from your friends on how they succeeded. Most of us do not have this instinct, but it is important to take advantage of people who are doing better than you in your circle. The reason is simple. These are more likely to help you than someone from afar. If I want to learn about something, the first place to look for wisdom and inspiration should be my contact list. You may think that they are not willing to help, but if you asked, you would be surprised to note that they probably were just waiting for you to ask before committing to helping you. You lose nothing by asking, anyway.

The current situation with most friendships is that we would gladly spend a lot of time having unproductive conversations. I believe that a lot could change if we transitioned to being intentional about having exchanges that can add value to our lives. The situation is not just limited to friendships. Our extended families have vast inequalities, and in most cases, the only time we share space is in weddings, funerals, and tombstone unveiling ceremonies.

Due to constraints of time, there are hardly any meaningful and elevating exchanges that happen there. The result? We have families with major inequalities in well-being, education, and many other things. We are willing to support each other with short-term needs, but we have not started to think about how we can equip each other with knowledge on how to self-sustain to bridge the gaps. Interestingly, this is something that no western book will teach you because our friends in the west do not value extended family. You and I do, though, and this is worth considering. Look at that cousin in the village. Think of what skill they may develop and have a conversation on how you can support each other. Things get better when everyone is doing well.

At one point, I will write a whole article about being teachable, but I will share a bit of that today. We need to be humble and teachable even in the face of the friends we regularly interact with. They may not have everything going on well, but as long as you see that there is one area of their life that you can learn from, give it a go. They may be younger than you in age, but will probably possess some gems of wisdom that could help you move to another level. Do not despise them because of their status or the familiarity. You have to put aside the fact that you may have seen them at their worst in a certain area and just entertain the fact that they have something to offer. I cannot emphasize this enough.

That being said, it does not mean that such contributions should be one-sided. Whenever approached to share skills and knowledge by people in your social circle, you need to be forthcoming. Whenever these friends who have things going well have something that needs your support, go running and give them a hand. If they have a fair business running, buy from them. If they have a service, help them with advertising by sharing that flyer. Patronize their service. Charity begins at home.

I have benefited a lot from having a brilliant circle of friends who challenge me. Every time I open my WhatsApp status updates, I am greeted by many beautiful success stories; weddings, happy families, new pieces of land, successful careers, awards, new qualifications, and anything you can name. Every time I look at these material and immaterial achievements, I choose to be inspired over being intimidated or jealous. You should do the same. I am sure I can cite some examples who have been inspired by my life too, and others may have benefited from asking me how I do it. I just wish that we could do more of that and less of discussing what Bukayo Saka is doing in North London. And may our family interactions be more meaningful and productive.

Have a lovely weekend.

Better

It is Friday, and once again, I have found it fitting that we share some thoughts. You may wonder what happened to the resolution to write every week this year, considering the fact that you did not receive a piece last week. To be fair, no rule was broken. As Friday passed last week, I was sitting on two articles, neither of which felt suitable for your consumption. Once I remove the violence and improve on the delivery, they may see the light of day, but for now, they will have to remain in the vault of my hard drive. So there you are. The rule of writing was not broken.

On Wednesday, I spent some hours following an event called Samsung Unpacked 2024. The company was announcing the gadgets they are releasing this year, including the Galaxy S24 series of phones. If you are not into tech, you probably do not care about this event. The phone you have will probably satisfy you as long as it can make calls, send messages, and perform internet-related functions. For some of us, knowing the latest tech trends seems to have graduated from a hobby to something more, so we watch these trends closely.

After Samsung’s event, I went to YouTube to see what reviewers were saying about the gadgets. Another fact most of you may know is that tech companies usually send their merchandise to reviewers before the official release. These reviewers will then make videos, giving an “honest opinion” on how the devices perform. Being me, I took an interest in the comment sections for those reviews where I noticed that some people were complaining that the updates made to the new phones are not significant enough for an upgrade. That got me thinking about the evolution of phones.

Growing up around Mbulumbuzi, the first phone I remember was the public coin-operated landline based at the hospital. As cell phones of the Nokia 3310 or 2610 caliber came in, only one Mr. Nkhoma had one in the whole area. Things changed around a time when Airtel (then Celtel) and TNM introduced cheap, locked-to-network ZTE and Tiago phones, which were selling at around K3000. What followed was a transition to smartphones, and things have continued to progress as phones have gotten smarter and smarter.

As of today, most people in the middle class have a smartphone of sorts and are able to connect to the internet. I have managed to convince my mum, who is not the most tech-savvy person in the world, to maintain decent internet connectivity and to pick up my unnecessary video calls at times. All that is testament to how things have gotten better on the communication gadgets front. On the global stage, the way to think about this is to compare the abilities of a gadget from 15 years ago and those of the most recent. When you think of it that way, you will notice that there has been a big jump in technology. However, this progress was so gradual that we couldn’t notice it much between the years. How did we move from having our girls snatched by the guy rocking a Nokia N90 to the point where the Samsung A90 is considered old?

When you think about this example, you will discover the significance of taking baby steps towards the right direction. Being in the business of health research, I have learnt to appreciate how research contributes to progress in healthcare even when the results are not expected. The many small innovations in healthcare have improved the lives of people and reduced mortality in the world, and it is because people are constantly looking for ways of making the delivery better. You could say the same about many fields.

When I look at how many things seem to be progressing in many fields across the globe, I wonder why we have continued to do things the old way as a country. When I see pictures of long queues of people at Immigration and Road Traffic offices, I am left wondering if we could not introduce some civilized booking system that could only allow a certain number of people to show up with the assurance that they will be assisted. Most of our systems are still paper-based, and our economy does not take advantage of e-services like internet banking and point of sale services. We still move with wads of cash, which is a system even our neighboring countries have made significant progress in moving on from. You could add your own examples from education, transportation, agriculture, information, and any other field, but the idea remains that tiri kutali.

This lack of progress is in many ways not just limited to the state machinery or corporate world. At an individual level, there are many things that most of us could do to improve our outcomes in life. This could be a change of habits, getting more knowledge and skills, adjusting our social and professional circles, and many other seemingly obvious things. For some reason, most of us do not find the motivation to make ourselves better. When I looked at the news yesterday, I was disturbed to note that there are some people who are refusing to take advantage of an agricultural intervention, just so that they can continue to benefit from aid in times of hunger. While I realize the story may have a catch to it, the fact that it is believable worries me. We are a people that refuse to do better for the pettiest of reasons.

Sometimes we find ourselves refusing to elevate our status because we do not understand the significance of what our betterment could be. On the other hand, we need to sit down and imagine what life could be like if some people did not envision a better life for themselves or humanity. Some have argued that they cannot pursue financial prosperity because they are content with what they have, forgetting that if they were to push further they could also help others live better. The idea is just that managing every aspect of your life better is more advantageous to you and all the people around you. In everything that we do, be it career, family, spirituality, academics, finances, and social connections, we need to strive to do better. I strongly believe that there is a better way of doing anything and everything, and if something is important, we need to constantly think of ways of doing it better.

You may wonder as to how we can do things better. Sometimes it just starts with the search for knowledge and the expansion of our horizons. This could be knowledge on things in our field or our general interests. Whatever field you are in is evolving. Make an effort to keep up to speed with the current trends by reading articles and looking at other sources of the latest information. If you happen to belong to a religious denomination, take an effort to deepen your faith by taking an initiative to look at your religious literature. Talk to your leaders outside of normal service hours. Pray more. That helps you to live your spiritual experiences better. If it is within your means, further your education or pursue opportunities to that end, for even in rejection you learn more. Whatever you do, just try to ask yourself if it can be done better. In most cases, you will realize that it can be and that it is within your means to push the envelope.

Last week I stumbled upon an article about a farmer who harvested about 320 bags of maize from an acre of land in Virginia, US. That math did not make sense to me, so I had to go and look at how exactly he did it. It was after looking at the bits and pieces of information that I realized that as a country we have not done much to innovate our food security. When I look at the trends in my field and what impact people have been able to achieve, I am challenged to do more. I would like to invite you to this kind of thinking. Look at everything around you and ask yourself how it could be better. Take action on it, and see your life and this country transform for the better! Seek knowledge for making things better.

To me, better is not just a word. Better is an idea; a concept that we all need to constantly reflect on.

Have a better weekend and the rest of the year.

Ambition

 It is a Friday and, in a bid, to keep consistent, we are starting the first one with an article. Let’s start with a story I found on and copied from the internet.

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.

About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. “You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said the businessman to the fisherman.

“You should be working rather than lying on the beach!”

The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, “And what will my reward be?”

“Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!” was the businessman’s answer. “And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, “You will make money and you’ll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!”

“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman again.

The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman’s questions. “You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!” he said.

“And then what will my reward be?” repeated the fisherman.

The businessman was getting angry. “Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!”

Once again, the fisherman asked, “And then what will my reward be?”

The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, “Don’t you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world!”

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what do you think I’m doing right now?”

End of story.

Last night I found myself thinking about my experience from last year. At some point, I found myself looking for air tickets to travel from the UK to Malawi and back for my wedding. This was the first time I had to buy air tickets out of pocket as all previous flights had been sponsored by some organization or individual. The reality check which came with the prices of the air tickets had me wondering why I lived half a globe away from my loved ones; family and friends, all in the name of the pursuit of doctoral studies, which, to be fair, I could also get at Chancellor College, albeit under different conditions. In the poverty for answers, the best I could come up with is that my ambition to do more brought me here. In other words, I felt like getting the best education offered here was my way to where I want to be in my career, years down the line.

The challenges with travel were not a unique experience. My maiden travel to a conference in 2016 was marred financial challenges and so was the outward travel to the UK for my master’s studies. The latter was further compounded by the fact that I travelled at a time when there were travel restrictions that required hotel quarantine at the cost of the traveller. A year later when I wanted to return for my PhD, the issue resurfaced.

In all the cases where I have had trouble sourcing funds for travel, I found myself wondering whether I would miss much if I couldn’t make it for the trip. If you think about it, my 2016 trip to a conference wasn’t really an essential one. The conference was nice, but really, the necessity of it is questionable.

Then there were the times I had to travel to start my MSc and PhD. I know many people who are building better careers on the MBBS degree which I obtained close to eight years ago. They also have better pay and job security than I do in the academia where such things are fragile and unpredictable. I could still go through adulting and live a life with security, which makes the extra qualifications optional, to an extent. But as ambition would have it, I am here, doing what I am doing with the hope that the extra papers will bring something the MBBS couldn’t.

Back in 2016, I found myself working for World Vision in what was a nationwide assessment of their programs. One of such surveys took me to a place called Lulanga in Mangochi. They may have told you that Makanjira is far, but Lulanga is a 30-minute drive from Makanjira. At some point I found myself chatting with the locals in these small fishing and farming settlements, only to learn that some of them had never bothered to go to Mangochi Boma or Salima. When I think about these laissez-faire souls from Lulanga, I wonder why I find myself struggling with cold winters and spending a whole 24 hours on the road in a bid to go home from a place called school. Life, surely, could have been simpler than this. Yeah. Simpler, but again, it would have been boring.

In my naivety early on, I used to think of the people who didn’t have the same explorative mind like me as those who lacked ambition. In those days, I used to think of my ambition as some sort of curse that keeps me picking avoidable fights. With time, my perspective has changed and I have learnt that there are just those people who like to live a simple life closer to home; different from adrenaline junkies like me who can’t stay put. Those will live on a farm, practice their profession and make money while some of us toil in school broke. We will see many places and have many stories to tell. The exotic knowledge we have will be beneficial and will leave us hungering for more, while others will be satisfied with using the knowledge we left undergrad with and their experience. Ambition varies and we should embrace diversity in the same.

When all is said, I still feel like we all need to be ambitious about something; at least three things if I am to prescribe. Be ambitious in your quest for wisdom. Have some goals when it comes to your career and finances. Work towards having good family relationships and spiritual fulfilment, no matter what your faith is. Be happy. Be healthy. Usually that comes from deliberate actions that are birthed from your goals and ambitions. Have something to look forward and up to.

I will bring you back to the story of the fisherman and the businessman. I am wondering who you agree with between the two. To be fair, it seems like the two have varied ways of looking at the same thing. One has embraced simplicity and living for the daily bread while the other lives for the sophistication of managing an empire. Who would you side with? You may already know which side I would pick. At one point I will get old and go back to Chiradzulu where I will build a small hut at my wife’s home village, with my information coming from a Panasonic FM radio and income coming from farming and raising goats. Until then, I will continue to pick headaches as I try to expand my horizons in career and life in general. Life.

Happy New Year to you. I wish you and ambitious 2024. Add some action to that, and life will get better.