I have to raise a glass (obviously containing thobwa) to this rarefied blogger who also on his time upholds the Hippocratic oath at one of the referrals, for giving me another opportunity to scribble some sentences which I hope will make sense. Some spooks have mentioned that this landlord is enjoying some sort of vacation, and, like everything weird in Nyasaland, our largely useless ACB must deep their fingers and find out who ordered this holiday. Have to say I asked to write last Friday's article because I couldn't wait to flex my undoubted prophetic muscles and declare the inevitable fall from grace of Zimbabwe's nonagenarian leader. Withal, some deacons, pastors, sorcerers and apostles with funny churches and strange gods have already scored one on that such that I will have to register another angle concerning the Comrade.
It's always hard to separate myths about Robert Mugabe to those rare published substantial bits of his mysteriously long life, obviously he himself created a dark fog that elevated his persona to a semigod. He thought he will rule forever as do some misguided African leaders. An exclusive club of dictators like Paul Biya, a diety who has ruled Cameroon for more than 35 years, Teodore Obiang Ngwema who thinks he has divine right to rule Equatorial Guinea for more than 38 yrs, Denis Sasou who has been worshipped in Congo Brazzaville for a good part of 30 years, and that devil incarnate Yoweri Museveni who keeps extending presidential terms, need to be retired permanently. Countries like Chad, Rwanda, Algeria, Djibouti and DRC also seem ironically to agree that more than 20 yrs their leaders have spent on the thrones is not enough. You can't fool everyone forever, Mugabe coup is just a warning to them. Mugabe could have ruled forever, perhaps one thing that isn't fuzzy about him is the level of analytical skills he possess, something that made him survive at least 2 assassination attempts and allowed him to lord over the Shona and the Ndebele for close to four decades amidst Western sanctions for his wife to shop in Paris. Probably his literature and administration degrees earned while he was being smoked out by the colonialists is a testament for the kind of knowledge he was able to consume and make use to stay afloat at the palace. But we cant discount the role of the iron lady that parroted his philosophy as if its a Litany for avoiding Gehena, his renegade wife. Since they say behind every dictator there's a voluptuous Jezebel, Mugabe's second wife,
Ntombizodwa Grace, fits the bill and is renowned for being very passionate about politics and emotional rather than giving coherent logical arguments. Unlike poles always attract. But then we can only speculate how she left the kitchen and warmed up her way to nearly landing the hot vice presidency seat, along the way silently eliminating those deemed as malevolent to the president, Joice Mujuru and Emerson Mnangagwa being just some of the famous casualties. Mugabe must have made some of the dubious Zanu PF orders while intoxicated by her extravagant bedroom perfumes, and possibly 'made in' North Korea beddings. One online newspaper article has come clean to declare Grace Mugabe as very dull first lady. Leaving propaganda aside, she wasn't that dull to have been personal secretary for Mugabe in the early 90s, her job description surely must have been classified as top secret even to Mugabe. She graduated from Renmin University of China in 2011 after studying the Chinese language, but everyone knows she can't give more than 3 sentences in Chinese without consulting a Sinitic dictionary. Then, her husband, an eternal Chanchellor, awarded her the top doctoral degree of Sociology in 2014 after spending an interminable two months at the University of Zimbabwe, quite a genius but there's no trace of her thesis, the CIA are still searching for it.
The moral here is that despite all the riches one may accumulate Africans still feel like they're just a bag of sweet potatoes if they do not own that enviable graduate paper.
Muammar Gadafi created himself Doctor of Pedagogy, just to piss off fellow gunslingers for lacking tact. It's a tradition among leaders to accumulate useless honorary degrees and step on the toes of poor people. I'm not saying some of these are not deserved honors, but the problem comes when those fake papers are magnified to make one look like a brainiac when he is just a toad. Fact that majority of Africans do not have an iota of arithmetics in their heads apart from counting coins is exploited by these so-called well learned gurus who wave their papers in our faces as if they can solve even a sewer spillage in Area 18. We are gullible if we think that if one was a professor somewhere then he is as close to a messiah as we can ever get. Perhaps that's why we give them names like Mose, Njanji, Joshua, Lazaro lol. I remember during the time of Atcheya, one of his calling cards was that he has been acclaimed 10 times with Honoris Causas by universities that you can't now find on the map unless you are wearing something yellow. And some public university here in Nyasaland did not waste time to give our good First Lady an honorary doctorate for leading the fight against refuse on our bumpy streets. And her elevation was capped off this week by that Chinese professorship MBC has helped everyone to memorize. Well it's not her problem to generously be on the receiving end of international recognition. Nanga afanane ndi Dr Nyangatayani? What about her husband, the good professor of international law who in 2016 was conferred a doctorate of Human Letters by University of Addis Ababa made in recognition of 'his impeccable leadership and selfless contribution to Africa,' whatever that was... This was inflated on loud speakers later in the same year when a mere London blog called African Leadership Magazine awarded Mapwiyha a deserved 'Medal of Honor for Development' for his outstanding economic transformation people of TA Mtwalo have ever seen, and a long list of Bingu and JB accomplishments is then listed to make support his case. We all know these awards are merely used for political tantrums and should not be taken seriously otherwise I would have visited a barber today. Africans are obsessed with empty recognition from bogus organizations and colleges, and in turn we award mediocrity. I'm sure that Malawians will not be swayed by these lettered souls in 2019, they are all supported by Jezebels and stop calling anyone a professor, its blasphemy to those who really earned it.
Funny thing for most African countries is that they always go for a lesser devil available. R.G. Mugabe is gone and he is being replaced by someone who has seen it all with the former president, and is rightly nicknamed a crocodile for being behind much of atrocities associated with Zanu PF led government. Mnangagwa is a guy who has shown his colors by masterminding a 'bloodless' coup that culminated in the resignation of his boss. He was frustrated to be left out in the cold by Grace Mugabe's G40 cadates and risked quickly decelerating into a political corpse. We are looking at a crocodile amangwetu, a cunning animal that bid its time before circling it's prey for a final flourish. The former VP used his army connection and public anguish to paint himself a new face, something more appealing and considerate. Zimbabweans will be fooled to think he is different to what they had, he will initially feed on the popular support and win himself a long term and then he will get out of his hiding shell and act like a normal dictator. For 37 years surely there must be someone better than a war veteran, a war of which 80% Zimbabweans never saw. It was obvious Mugabe had outlived his usefulness and was supposed to retire like two decades earlier but getting Mnangagwa even in interim role is similarly extending that old dynasty. Probably Mugabe will be laughing that his friend is taking over. The so-called bloodless coup was well calculated to make the military still relevant. It must be said that soon after the political triumph of the Comrade in 1978, his guerrillas living in the bush were incorporated into the new national army. This gave Mugabe, their commander, confidence to snore peacefully on the throne without worrying about any would-be usurpers, and he consolidated his power by swallowing main challenger, Joshua Nkomo's party. The veterans have ever since amassed innumerable amount of wealth and grabbed estates under the watch of Mugabe. It was vital that the likes of Morgan Tsangirayi and Tendai Biti should never go near the presidential palace as it spell the end of their lofty benefits. Mnangagwa is one of their own, he speaks their language and will be useful. The change of guard will mean nothing to ordinary citizens if these recycled veterans are still leeching public resources like overgrown vultures.
The dramatic turn of events in Mashonaland should not mask the stench of incompetence that we're smelling right here in Nyasaland. On numerous occasions if you religiously follow this blog I have lamented how dire our level of governance and policy implementation is. Some cadets have already whispered to the big Kahuna to declare himself as one of the youth at a ripe old age of 79 and in 2019 he will surely grace the first line on the ballot paper. I won't bore you with what he has achieved or not to warrant a new lease at Sanjika but one thing is clear Malawians are are going towards the Zim situation. When you tune in to state run propaganda stations, you will wonder on which planet they're living. How can we tolerate a full day of blackout and go on about our business as if all is ok. There's no commitment from those in gaff'ment to ensure that critical services are served. The touted month of December is nigh and they've already started talking about January as a new deadline to end power woes through gensets. Cadets at National Statistics will vouch irrelevant numbers like dwindling interest rates and low inflation but reality is that we have a crisis. All macroeconomic indicators show to that poverty is on the rise and unemployment is at all time high. After three years and half in power, DPP seems like a Chitipa Utd, a club without ideas on how to avoid relegation from the league. Instead of solving problems it has mastered the use of propaganda and repel criticisms whenever Wandale breathes loudly. When a leader blames some guy who is rotting in his coffin or some woman who is loitering around the globe instead of doing the needful to take responsibility as it why people voted him, just know we're heading for disaster as a nation. We can moan all day, the story will be the same. The systems of forcing our leaders to account for incompetence is not noxious for those leaders which is why they keep lying to us every chance they get. In countries like the USA, leaders are grilled for not tucking in the shirts, but here a politician implicated in a maize scam is still enjoying all the benefits without even being suspended from the party. One Saulosi Chilima at a public rally said 'njoka saweta,' to mean those whose slippery tongues have never let slip profanity in the ears of the president. What worries most is that we are fed Red Herrings so much so that real issues are ignored. For example, instead of tackling issues raised by Chakwera in response to the out of touch president's parliamentary statement, the president himself is worried about how Chakwera is demeaning and insulting his office. He goes on to call for psychiatric help towards the MCP leader- innuendos that only reflect at the calibre of leadership we have in Malawi. Way forward is to agitate for change. We must desist from hearing same tune, it's like we are happy with our poverty. Zimbabweans left it very late but they embraced change and couldn't wait someone to die in office when he can't even hold a pen because of old age. The message to leaders has been clear if we take that by election demolition job into consideration; people no longer clap to any trash thrown at them- ati osawazimitsira magetsi nthawi ya kampeni. It's a slow start but a start anyway. Zomati tamanga nsewu should no longer be considered a major development amangwetu, but most importantly give us lights as soon as yesterday apo ayi tigawanapo dzikoli...
