On Optics

You didn’t see this one coming, did you? I would have loved to discuss the circumstances that led to my silence but I would rather save that for later. For now, let me just say that 3 half-completed articles later, I am attempting yet another comeback to my weekly routine of sharing what runs through this cluttered head. Anyways. Let’s get on with this, shall we?

Some of you may know this. I am and have been a big fan (notice that the spelling is not fun) of the Times Exclusive program that airs on Times Television on Saturday nights. The reason is simple. That program gives a platform for people who are in proximity to contentious issues in Malawi to be heard. Usually, the issues discussed would be ones of national interest. In recent times, I can think of the programs around national registration, politics of sugar prices, electric cars, water supply and the continual political charade by members of different parties. I was, therefore surprised when I heard about the plan to have the Kingstons; Zeze Kingston and Dorothy Shonga on the program.

Unlike other hardcore followers of the programs who thought having the musician-socialite couple was a bad idea, I was indifferent. I knew that the guests were fertile ground for Brian Banda’s intrusive line of questioning and that it would be a program many would enjoy and talk about for some time. True to my word, there are still some meme references going around social media from the interview. Peanuts. Angel Gabriel. 500K. One person asked me to provide an honest review of the interview and I shared my two cents with her. That is not what I am about to do here. What I want to discuss is just one element of that interview before I get to something more generalized.

Throughout the Dozeze interview, there was a lot of flare of public display of affection. From the mannerisms, we got an impression of a couple that are neck deep in love. Then there was the issue of money where their home budgets and earning and spending habits were discussed in detail that conservatives would think shouldn’t have been dived into. In the ensuing debate, others told us that this is showbiz and it is something people from Malirana or Bwengu would not understand. In their words, we were told that people in show business like to paint a certain picture of how they live, regardless of whether that is their actual life or not. That brings us to the day’s issue. Optics.

In the modern-day social-media driven world, it is not uncommon to find people putting so much effort into appearing to live a certain life than actually living it. Think of all the social media posts from gents complaining of the discrepancies in the appearances between the photos and the in-person looks of the Instagram baddie they sent fuel money to. Flip the coin and you will see the ladies complain when they discover how broke or stingy the social media king they fell for is when they got close. I could go on to talk about the motivational speakers who are promising you billions but…. You know what? I don’t know how to fight. I am sure that you get the idea. People are spending so much time and effort on impressions. But is that always bad?

Back in 2019 I was having an informal chat with my then boss. It was late in the evening but we had stuck around to oversee some work that part of the team was doing. To be fair, I wasn’t supposed to be there because the work could have gone on without me. Also, I had no car which meant I would have required someone to drop me off. When the subject was raised, my boss offered to drop me since he thought I was living in Mandala which was on his way home. He later got surprised when he learnt that I had moved to a less affluent part of Blantyre which I will not mention here. His response? “You shouldn’t be living in such areas. For starters, it is unsafe there but more importantly, how will people take you seriously if they here you are from Z…?” Anyway. This short conversation gave me something to reflect on. There are times in which the impression you give is as good as your way of life itself.

Years later, I happened to be in a conversation with some young businessmen who happened to be discussing cars. One of them was complaining about how he had to buy a new car to match his status despite having a functional Mazda Demio. According to him, at one point his company failed to clinch a lucrative deal because he pulled up to a meeting in a Demio. The car, he said, gave the potential clients the impression that his company would not be able to do the job at hand, and he had only found this out when he had informally inquired as to why his bid was not successful. Just like that, this man was contemplating on buying an SUV he personally didn’t need. For the business optics, however, this was an actual need.

In a world where people are adopting all sorts of dress codes in the workplace, there usually is some banter thrown at some professions which seem to have stuck with formal dressing. Some have even mocked those who dress up for church for one reason or the other. The whole thing of dressing up for the occasion seems to be going towards extinction with very little effort being put into that by many. At one point, I happened to be chatting with some old-timers who hinted on the fact that they would not give a person a shot at an opportunity if they didn’t dress up.

The weekend is upon us and there are many events happening. You may have those people who do not need an event or a weekend to spam our social media feeds with pictures in fancy eateries, on planes and waterfronts. For some, the pictures are a genuine reflection of their happiness while for some they are merely masks that successfully hide their inner sorrow. Some are going beyond their bounds of integrity and morality just to maintain their lifestyle while others are either getting in debt or finding it hard to survive the rest of the month or cover certain costs having spent substantial amounts on enjoyment and social media perfect pictures.

I recently decided to delete LinkedIn and Instagram applications from my phone. Two reasons. I felt like the apps were putting me under unnecessary pressure to achieve or do certain things based on what people I consider peers were doing. The second reason was almost the opposite. I felt like some of the content I was sharing was giving the impression of some sort of life that I actually will not be able to afford in the next two years. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have but you get the idea. It is very easy to have your cage rattled by those posts of people who seem to be making fast career strides and are always out there drinking Pina Colada in the Maldives.

There you go, then. In the later day we have people putting in a lot of effort to make an impression, and I am not just talking about the social media. What you see people saying and doing will have you admire a person who should be a beneficiary of your charity if you are not careful. People are living picture perfect lives that will show you how healthy, fun, spiritual, romantic and progressive their lifestyle is. Not everything is true behind the curtains, though. Learn to guard your mind to avoid being unnecessarily pressured into living beyond your means or losing focus on your goals. Stick to your lane.

On the other hand, it is important to invest in projecting yourself well. Your dressing, interactions, speech and general outlook should be one that can land you opportunities. Put on some good shoes and a nice hairstyle on top of the clean clothes you wear. Do not forget some good perfume too. There will be some times when you need to blend in and do some things to give and preserve a good image. Drive a nice car if the next level demands it, and when you go to meet big people do not drink your usual Kuchekuche. There we drink Gentleman Jack or Glen for the sake of securing the bag. I didn’t say you should get a loan in order to start driving a German machine, did I?

 

Thirty in a few

I know this comes as a surprise because I haven’t been faithful with this thing of sharing little pieces of my mind. This week, however, I have been compelled to reflect on how my life has been as I will be turning 30. Scary milestone.

Usually, I do not pay attention to my birthdays and let the change in the age rattle me much. I would however be lying if I said it is not bothering me this time around. I am moving decades. I am also thinking about how I thought of a 30-year-old person when I was 10, and the thought of becoming that person doesn’t sit well with me as I believe that I should be younger. Also… Isn’t 30 years ago supposed to be 1983 or something? Since when did it become 1993? Are we sure our counting is ok? I have been finding it hard to accept the fact that I am turning 30, so I decided to use this piece to help me with adjusting to the new age.

As I reflected on my years of existence, one of the things that came to mind is the miracle of life itself. I usually do not share these accounts with anyone but there have been several occasions when I brushed with the grim reaper. A near-miss of an accident that would have been the end of me some time in 2001, bouts with malaria in ’06, ’10 and ’17 and another sickness some time in 2008. And it is not just the mere existence of life either. I would be a very ungrateful human if I were to say I haven’t lived through the best of what life had to offer.

Having been raised by parents who were at some point both working in the civil service, I had food on the table and a roof on my head along with shoes on my feet, a thing many would have considered a luxury. I am not sure about how the parents did it, but they somehow managed to put me through secondary school at the time when my sisters were going through the same. Being sent back to school because of outstanding tuition fees balances was the order of the day. I am not complaining, though. I enjoyed those trips home. If you are to forget everything, the one thing you need to remember is that I am grateful that life has been good for me.

If someone were to ask me about how I had envisioned my life at 30 back in 2013, I would have painted a picture so different from my current life. As a matter of fact, someone asked me that question and the answer I gave best describes the life of one Dr Bonfancio Sinyeka who happens to be a close friend and avid reader. The 20-year-old me thought that at 30 I would be a doctor, helping patients with cancer, and married and all that. If you were to wind the clock to 5 years later and asked me where I wanted to be at 30, I would have told you that by this time I would be in the first or second year of doctoral studies in medical statistics. Guess what I am? I am a first year PhD student. PhD in Statistics and Epidemiology. That brings me to the lessons I have learnt in this period of being me; the first of which is on planning.

When I first went to the College of Medicine, I was given an opportunity to go through an interesting orientation programme in which several speakers emphasized on planning life. Over the course of my studies, I attended several motivational talks that indelibly cemented the values of planning in me. I have said this, and I will say it again. The concept of motivational speakers and life coaches may seem unappealing now because of the mistakes made by some of them, but the transformative power of bits and pieces of their messages is something we should not ignore. Through their content, I learnt of the need to have a clear picture of what I want my life to be like in an extended period.

From 2013, I decided to get into the habit of having a 10-year plan on which my yearly plans would be based. If you read the previous paragraph, you will notice that things have not gone according to the first of those plans. On the other hand, I am compelled to believe that I will need to make yet another of those 10-year plans because I believe that if I had not made such 10 years ago, I would not have made the progress I made. If you were to ask me to explain the diversion from the original blueprint, I would tell you that my status is a product of adjustments that I had to make due to circumstances and the coming in of new information. The punchline? It is ok to completely change your plan to respond to the environment, new events and new information. What is not ok is to live without an idea of where you want to be in two or so years. If you are in your 20s and 30s, I would encourage you to consider doing such. Where you can, write such a plan down.

Like every person, choices have been a huge part of my life. Some choices have been easy ones while some have been difficult. What has been interesting is the differences in the times when I had the liberty to pick between A and B by myself and the times that I felt like the path to one option had already been laid out for me. A classic example of the latter was the time when I had to pick the program of study for my undergraduate studies. As a 17-year-old, I felt too powerless to resist the suggestions that came from family and friends for me to study medicine. I felt like all these people meant well and knew much more than me, who wanted to make a career out of my love for computer programming; ironically, the thing I do daily now. I am left wondering how life would have been if I had decided to play by my own rules and head the other way. On the other hand, I cherish the independence I have had in making career decisions afterwards, including the time I picked a job that was offering less remuneration over a 7-figure job, in the name of pursuing my dreams of being a researcher.

The reason my career comes up when I think of choices is that for a long time my career has been the thing that mattered the most in my life. Over time, there has been a shift from that mentality as I now tend to think that balance is more important. As someone who is leaning towards a career in academics, I have learnt that it is important to have a fulfilling career and not have a fulfilling life. Think of it this way. As I write this, I am half a globe away from my better half and my family and friends. Being away from loved ones was never a dream, but this is a thing I had to do for my career. Then there are the finances. The decision I made to push my career meant sacrificing financial gains. Whether I catch up with my peers and colleagues who went for the money right away or not will depend on how I play the money game moving on. One may say that I am better off than many, but at this point I am beginning to consider starting my family, and I am realizing that doing so will require me to earn more to sustain the family I will head. At one point I also need to ensure that my career shouldn’t get in the way of family and life in general. Reflecting on all this has made me realize the importance of planning life with detail and factoring every aspect of it into the blueprint.

While thinking about balance, I am often reminded about the importance of living my present life with my past and future in mind. While I have a dream of what I would like to become by the age of 40, I find myself constantly reminding myself that I am living the life I wanted at 25. That tells me one thing. While I obsess about getting a better life in the next 10 years, I should take time to celebrate the wins along the way because I am living the life I once dreamt of.

Being on this rock for the past 29 years has been fun. I have lived through and learnt a lot, and the one thing I love the most about my life is that I have allowed my curiosity to govern my life. Through the years, I have allowed myself to be amazed and educated by every little thing in my surroundings and that has expanded the way I think. I have dared and tried things, some of which I cannot say I am proud of. I can however say that the person I am now is a product of all the experiences I have had with my career, spiritual life, love life, finances and social life. As I move into another decade and push towards the forties, I have a fair idea of what to do and what not.

When I think about life thus far, I cannot help but be proud. Everything aside, I am happy to have created the Richie Online brand, which has you glued to whatever gadget following this life story which will not be of any much benefit beyond being some nice toilet-seat reading material. Then there is that RK Edits thing which has helped many achieve their goals. Over the next few days, I will be spending some time thinking about how I could reach out to more using these platforms and whether I need to do more.

I will be thirty in a few days. While I am not asking for gifts, I would appreciate some. What I would appreciate more, however, is you exercising restraint and avoiding sending that “you should get married” message. Ndikudziwa chomwe ndikupanga ndipo ndikudzidzimutsani.

Enjoy the long weekend and remember this. There was no holiday without my birthday.