Keeping an open mind is one of the things that help one to accumulate knowledge. Some people would argue against this but some of the invaluable knowledge I have was gained from unlikely sources. What I am about to share now is an example of such.
So, what do we want to talk about? Relationships and dating of course. This is an issue that has gotten so delicate in our society and it is getting out of hand. Out of our poor attitude towards relationships has come the adverse action of breakups and later in life divorces. The sad thing is that nowadays if people have a breakup they would laugh it off and move on with life, probably getting the next partner in the next week which raises the question as to whether they were in for the relationship in the true sense or not.
The cultural and religious view of a relationship takes it not just as a mere relationship but courtship. Many a modern day young person, filled with modernistic and secularist views has moved on and despised everything the society and church we belong to has preached. So here we are. Breakups everywhere. They are not a perceived "big thing", anyway.
As I suggested in my previous articles, relationships should be initiated with the big picture of marriage in mind. I know that some of you have a problem or two with this statement. Don't worry. This article is specifically for you.
If you don't agree with the notion that relationships should be for marriage, but rather for fun, then you at least have to make them fun. My only prayer is that through the commitment to making it fun you will see the light that will point you towards marriage.
The main issue we have nowadays is that we are not committed to relationships and as such they are not fun so they die a natural death. Most of us have grown to think that everything has an expiry date and do not believe in a relationship that can last. I shouldn't say much. All I should say is that breakups, fashionable as they look and usual as they have become are still not normal. If you are, however not for that, at least make sure you are committed to make it fun as you argue relationships are for, and that is where the man from Ulumba comes in.
To begin with, I met the man from Ulumba at a "chap" (that is what we call a bicycle repair shop, where I am from) where I was getting something fixed. Ideally these are places where you find young men throwing verbal jabs at each other, but this day was different; everybody was listening to the man from Ulumba. The man was old, but he looked energetic, probably going home from Zomba town and fixing his bike which has a puncture, issues with the spokes or whatever it was.
I am not sure about how the whole thing started but he started talking about how nowadays young people have degraded the value of a relationship. He was telling the young men around that they need to be treating their ladies as queens and to respect them always and the reason is the one that got me interested.
If I look at the background of this man, he was not the "marriage oriented" type. To him, all he was looking for was to make his lady happy for the moment so that even when they break up she should always remember that there was someone in her life who used to make her feel like a queen. His main point was the sort of "legacy" you leave in your partner's life at the start, through and after the relationship.
I imagine the man from Ulumba had his relationship in the moment when people were sort of transitioning from the traditional sort of courtship to the modern. So far it did work out for him. Fast forward to this decade, young people have no principles for managing a relationship at all. If if is not the random thing in which case the partners just look at what will happen by the day, then it is the sort of opportunistic sort of relationship in which one wakes up thinking of how they can harvest from the other. No intention to give at all, and that is the society that we have now. I fear for the future of the family.
The man from Ulumba looked to be in his late fifties. I met him at a bicycle repair shop. He was talking to the people around, obviously not me, but I grabbed a tip (and experimented it on someone. He he!). It does work and it might just be what we need to heal the society.
Young people need to get into the habit of thinking about giving when getting into a relationship. Somehow, automatically the thing gets reciprocated and the relationship becomes fun and changes are that they do graduate into happy families. How I wish most of us saw things this way.
Worth the reading? I hope so.
In summary, the philosophy of the man from Ulumba entails that we give our relationships and partners the best that we can.
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