Everyone Needs a Puludzu

with the "Venomous Hope"


I have to say I enjoyed more “apolitical” articles in recent weeks from the landlord of this blog. More especially last Friday when he dipped into the sauce of personal relationships, specifically to diagnose the difficulties of getting ‘that’ one partner with the right DNA, something only an exotic herbalist would understand. Going by the epistle, it was observed that getting the “perfect life-partner” is serious business that needs own month of Ramadan. It’s like going to war with sticks, someone reminded me, when the devils behind enemy lines have nuclear weapons in reserve. The adage that says “Mercy led to the execution of nsemamitondo” (in verbatim) has in recent years been earnestly applied by all concerned parties, that’s why others would implore spies to check every detail of the potential partner’s life just to be on the same page. Ena akumaitanitsa kaye ma CV with traceable referees. Well, the fact that we cannot exhaustively define “love” tells us that we can forgo a few personal inadequacies to accommodate those less privileged but in need of a warm embrace. I hope we won’t hear of World War III over the newly crowned Miss Nyasaland. Her charm has even entranced Sanjika who surely plan to fuel her winning vehicle in the service of the noble BEAM. Going by the cross-section of a few Zabwekas who graced the ceremony one can wonder the percentage of males making the contact list on the gadget Miss Malawi is using. One thing that is certain is that a handsome number of politicians who attended the State of the Nation Address (SONA) today have her number and saved it as “wampamba.” Congratulations are in order though to the new Miss Malawi.

Of the many better things in Malawi that I like most is when we complain about issues. Last Saturday, the usual African punching-bag which masquerade as Malawi national football team was booted out of the CHAN tournament by the Penguins of Madagascar. The result wasn’t at all surprising despite the presence of a hired mercenary with no sustained record of success in his homeland, an expatriate the media have christened RVG. The Flames is the definition of a utopian pathetic football team. This is the team that was to be abandoned a couple of months ago only for the gaff’ment to change heart when MAJOR 1 wanted to turn it into his charity bogey team. Anyway, the comedy at FAM turned into frenzy when its leadership acknowledged that they connived and printed “fake” tickets for the Charity match involving Bullets and Kamuzu Barracks and the tickets were sold at the venue. There is deafening silence on “what we should do” to these people who have audaciously confessed their sins. We pretend we are fighting graft and bribery, masanje enieni. In a normal country like my adopted North Korea, these sacred cows would have already been presented as burnt sacrifices. This brings forth what my article is about, MCP.

I will not pretend that I know that much about the intricacies of ndale zaku Malawi but even a novice will acknowledge that MCP is the only thing giving DPP Cadets sleepless nights. Perhaps all opposition parties should have rallied behind MCP to form a formidable block insurmountable to the ruling caste. However, as we approach 2019, numerous so-called political parties are resurfacing with renewed lies and dreams, the kind of we have heard since 1994. Just this week one well known political migrator Frank MwenIfumbo was unveiled by the decayed Alliance for Democracy (AFORD) in Mzuzu as its new catch from parliament. This is a regional family party that had around 40 MPs in its glory days of Chakufwa Chihana but has been was swallowed by bigger fishes and its influence never went beyond Jenda roadblock. Some bigwigs in UDF still think they have something to trade for the people of Mangochi and Machinga following their greedy marriage with DPP. This club of amateur politicians still thinks it basks in the glory of Atcheya, that guy who brought to Malawians the Mutharika dynasty after overlooking the likes of Aleke Banda, Malewezi, Harry Thompson, Mpinganjira, among other UDF Kahunas in a bid of dreaming ruling from pakaliyala. Amangwetu, UDF should be applauded for one thing; limiting the number of contestants who would potentially take MCP votes in the Eastern region. The other group with a clout to be called a party is PP, and its members are scattered like sheep without a shepherd, searching for very greener pastures, Msonda and Kutsaira fits anywhere on this bill. PP lost the plot with cashgate, bedgate, and miyala yamaziko  imaikidwa daily. This party will never recover from ICU. Nowadays, its few noisemakers are being harassed with all sorts of misdemeanors, Salima mouth spin “Doctor” Uladi Mussa is alleged to be involved in passport syndicate, Kamlepo is wanted by MRA because he bought cars without duty, JB’s sister co-authored Chilima’s resignation letter, and the mother of the party herself uses a corrupt deodorant and is in hiding. That leaves Chakwera to go it alone and smoke out dissidents in his web.

It’s not surprising some DPP cadets are hiding in MCP, literary. After all the party has a very dark history which has over the years tainted any glimmer of hope that it will ever win a presidential election. With almost all old faces retired or dead, some forces are still at play and have tried hard to make MCP darker to accommodate those who want to be concealed and create doubts among voters. Every day we hear of infighting, suspensions, sackings, press briefings, among other nasty things, MBC does well to keep us informed on every sin. The party should have been quiet this time around, playing the lesser evil tag, and plotting their way to the elusive state house. Unfortunately it has allowed itself to be embroiled in muddy waters of tg to get rid of an outsider, Chakwera. It’s unfortunate because the poisoned chalice of Congress was made usable with the arrival of the Reverend in 2013; otherwise the party would have been in oblivion had it remained a puppet of the cunning JZU. The argument is that without Chakwera MCP is just as useless as the Nsanje “World Inland” Port. The witch-hunting that has seen key members like Kabwira, Jumbe and Njovuyalema being sidelined has not helped anyone. And the few paid up DPP members hiding in MCP, those same breed who lost a court case to force the party to hold an early convention, should be thoroughly uprooted. Not like it is going to happen. MCP especially Chakwera has failed to calm the waters. He should swallow his pride and invite JZU to mediate. This is the guy who commands the respect of almost anyone associated with the Tambala Wakuda. A vibrant opposition is good for this nation because it takes the government to task. Only someone with a dark heart and a sorcerer’s tongue like “puludzu” can shut the ex-district chairmen and remind them of the four party cornerstones. Without sounding like a paid apologist, the problems in all political parties in Malawi have far reaching consequences for a better economy, it’s the genesis of the mediocrity we are now used to because even if MCP inherits the government today, they will make the same mistakes their friends are doing.

So the price of sugar has hit the roof with smugglers holding out for K1000 per kg. Accordingly, the same packet is equivalently sold at an affordable K500 in Tanzania, and even lower when put on the shelves of Gauteng. In the name of protecting local manufactures, our governments sold SUCOMA to a South African company, and placed an embargo on foreign-made sugar which is very cheap. Paja Nyamilandu ndiwaku Illovo? We create our own mess. In a capitalist poor economy like Malawi, you need to allow competition whether foreign or domestic because there is no way the government can subsidize the price to reduce the number of us tikudya phala lopanda sugar. The small salaries an average Malawian makes per month is cannot sustain expenditure in the midst of higher prices to crucial items like sugar which is obviously an ingredient of numerous food products including kachasu. Flooding the market with competitive alternatives offers people a chance to sample different tastes and be able to budget. However, when only we let one company to dictate the wholesale price it creates panic when the item is in short supply. If we can persist with this, the government need to create a price cap like it does on fuel and maize- mbiyangambe zingadandaule kuti veremuti wakwera.

Have a great weekend folks.