Yeah. It's Richie Online.
We are back and that is the topic.
Some of you have been asking as to when we are completing the "be like a tree" series. Zopanda ntchito zija. Let's look at stuff that actually matters tonight.
I remember writing an article titled "Matters of the Heart" pretty recently. I can hardly remember anything that I wrote in the article but all I remember is that it was an article about how people should handle themselves around love (ironically an area I haven't registered much success in, myself). I am at it, yet again; offering some unsolicited insights and advice like the hypocrite I am.
One would wonder as to what has triggered this whole writing. I am pretty sure that trigger Will be relatable to either you or someone you know.
You might know some nice guy or flawless girl who is in your hood living a lonesome life for the lack of a proper suitor. Then there is that one who has always lived a good life but ended up dating some idiot who the rest of the world objectively rates as substandard for his or her caliber (zabwino zimadyedwa ndi apumbwa, so goes the saying). We have such couples of people who rate as mismatches, objectively or otherwise. Then there is this issue of people having MCPs (multiple concurrent partnerships). Sexual MCPs. These have spam across the board with people being involved regardless of marital or relationship status, denomination, faith financial status or whatever you can think of. It's just sad. I remember having asked someone as to whether things were the same years back, a question to which I got a no for an answer. The truth of the matter is that there has been an exponential increase in the rate at which people are having sexual relations without any commitment or outside of the same. Blame it on the social media, some would say.
This whole "zabwino kudyedwa ndi apumbwa" thing makes me wonder as to why it happens that the guys who are regarded as not bad (and the few ones who are good; it's hard to find a good guy nowadays) struggle to find a befitting spouse while there is a multitude of ladies who are also looking for spouses. A couple of theories could explain that.
The first one could be the theory of irreconcilable differences. This may sound shallow but this whole issue of race (and closer to home, tribes), religion and denominations, financial status and education status plays a big role in deciding who marries who. There have been times people have refrained from dating or marrying a soul mate just because their parents or church elders said no on the grounds of tribal or religious differences respectively. Sizachilendo. Enanunso zinakuchitikiraponi. We shouldn't waste time on what we all have experience in.
The second is the pride theory. Many are the times that girls come up with such stupid statements as "he is not my type". One thing you should know, however is that boys are no different. There is this unnecessary pride among people that makes them miss out on potential suitors. The sad thing about this is that nowadays is that for guys who see girls who are not their type for a long term thing see them as girls of their type for pleasure. Girls too. Chichewa chaka akumati "zongodya". We are seeing it, but there is little we can do to control this.
The third theory? The desperation and frustration theory. Iyiyi yakhudza ambiri. There are a lot of people who are out here frustrated with their old relationships and/or desperate for new relationships. People have resorted to extreme measures in a bid to find love, most of which have led to catastrophic ends with a few happy endings. Tikumakalemba mu newspaper ndithu kuti tikufuna munthu omanga naye banja. People have ended up splashing huge sums of money to win over a girl or a guy who ends up to slipping out of their hands to the next "undeserving" candidate. And then there is this thing of girls using sex to win over a guy. These desperate measures just lead to a downward spiral and are somehow contributing to the decay in the sexualmorality people had in the olden days.
Having said this, we should all note that there is some serious moral decay and that this needs fixing. The route people have taken nowadays is that of the fear of HIV and unwanted pregnancies and people have replaced abstinence and faithfulness to their partners with the use of infamous rubbers called condoms. What we fail to realize is the fact that there is more to sex than pregnancies and the STIs that we all dread. One psychologist, Prof Chiwoza Bandawe, in one of his lectures pointed out that sex is very economical, spiritual, emotional and political. In short, there are more attachments we server and form in the form of these seemingly benign sexual contacts. For the love of giving solutions, the best solution is to attach some commitment to the whole thing.
There is no need for this unwarranted pride. Personally I do believe that there is a point in this whole "love is blind" madness. In as much as this statement isn't meant to deprive us of objectivity in choosing a spouse, there are some things and imperfections that we don't have to pay attention to when in love or in the search for a partner.
The other thing we all have to appreciate is that there will always be differences in our statuses and belief systems. We need to understand what can be compromised and what not lest we fall into the temptation of thinking that things cannot work when they can or the other way round.
Last but not least, let us learn to appreciate that love or dating is more of a matter of the heart (by heart I mean brain) than it is a matter of what lies in between a human's legs. We all need to realize that sex is no way of either gaining or sustaining love.
Ndi mawu amenewa, tisiyane pomwepa.
Za be like a tree tipange sabata la mawa.
Mwamva achina Harry?
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