Beyond the Numbers

 It is yet another Friday and we have something to feast our eyes on.  When I dropped the article a week ago, I had mixed reactions to the piece. While some found it relatable and practical, a good number of readers found the dominance of articles to do with relationships on the blog a bit nauseating. Perhaps it is something to do with the giver of unsolicited opinions on relationships not being in one or to do with the preaching to the choir scenario. Worst case might be that some of those might be relating to the negative side of the articles. Mwinatu. We cannot be sure, can we? But that was last week. We are in a new one and are anticipating the end to the negative economic phenotypes of General January and a good start to the year (chaka chimayamba mu February, according to one good friend of mine).

I have always made reference to how much I like playing around social networking apps.  A good proportion of my articles make reference to the fact that I saw some chat on WhatsApp or something of the sort. One of my habits I have not made reference to in my prior writings is that of following international news, especially when there are contentious issues. Britain’s exit from the European Union, the United States Government shutdown, Venezuelan political chaos, DRC elections, Zimbabwe riots and many other issues of that kind. Those would get me glued to the TV on a normal evening than would anything else (well, maybe Spanish football could beat it).

I found myself in discussions to do with the exit of Britain from the European Union more often in the past couple of weeks. In the buildup to the vote on the Prime Minister’s Brexit plan, the vote of confidence in the government, plans on voting for a new plan and all. The discussions were dominated by the issue of what possibilities lay on the table for the UK government. In those discussions, we made reference to what had been happening and the possibilities and everyone had their opinions on what they thought was going to happen. Intellectually challenging chats, those ones.

Some might stone me for discussing Brexit without sharing a bit of the background. For some reason, when David Cameron was the Prime Minister of the UK he moved a motion that Britain should leave the European Union. That is more like saying Malawi (or let’s say South Africa) should leave the African Union. In no time, there was a referendum for the people to decide on the same and the majority opted to leave the union. The British government presented the results of the vote to the European Union and discussions were started on how trade relations and other things would be done. 

The government came up with a plan which parliament disapproved and currently they are working on a new plan (or deal, as they popularly call it) on how to handle relations with EU countries when the UK leaves the union. Worth noting is that there is a possibility of not agreeing on the deal for leaving and leaving with no deal. There is also a possibility of calling for a second referendum in which people would decide whether they still want to leave the EU or not. Its all interesting politics for people who follow those kinds of things.

Earlier this week, I also found myself chatting with one good friend of mine who is in the UK. He was telling me about how he made acquaintance with one person who works at the House of Commons (paliyamenti) in the UK. In their chat, they were also discussing the possibility of a second referendum when the discussion took an interesting turn. In the midst of the noise, they discovered, that some of the people who were voting on whether to leave the European Union or to stay in it did not know the implications on international relations and possibly on their own lives. At the end, statistics were applied that the majority opted to leave when in essence it was a majority that woke up the next day wondering what they had just voted for.

We began to relate the story to what happens in elections back home. Referendums first.

In the year I was born, there was a referendum in which people had to choose between multiparty democracy and the one party rule that was in play then. Thanks to that referendum, we have a  whole lot of briefcase (or wallet) parties some of whose leaders have thrown their hats in the ring to challenge el professor for the presidency. I am pretty sure that the people chose the multiparty system on the promise of change and they were relatively knowledgeable on what they were diving into. Mwinanso kuposa awa a Brexit.

Multiparty came with its own difficulties. People now had to choose from a whole lot of leaders to govern them and in the first two rounds they settled for Bakili Muluzi, only to go for the person he gave us in the third. We all know what has been happening in the subsequent times. There are mixed stories in our localities as our members of parliament perform to different magnitudes and are judged based on different bars set by their constituents. The one thing that we are all clear about, however is that the leaders we have been choosing since 1994 have not performed to the standard that was set by the founding father of the nation in one way or the other. While we have enjoyed progress in some areas, we have greatly retrogressed in others which begs the question as to whether it was the problem of the leaders, the ones who chose them or both.

Considering the second possibility (that it is us, the voters who are the problem), one would realize that we have a very big problem when it comes to fixing the leadership of this country at all levels. People would choose a parliamentarian based on his visibility and ability to help them when they are in need disregarding the abilities to fulfill the actual duties of a parliamentarian. People would choose a president on tribal and religious lines despite the agenda and prior performance or their potential. Even when some consider the political manifesto, those documents have been known not to manifest when we elect the candidates into the highest office in the land.

One radical human suggested that we include the Malawi School Certificate of Education as a requirement for a voter. Yes. If you do not have ya foolo usamaloledwe kuvota. When I posted the opinion on my WhatsApp (back to social networks), I had a lot of nods to the idea. You would get the reasoning, anyway. People who have an MSCE are more exposed and they understand issues of governance and development a bit better than those who do not. On paper. One person, however, came out and crashed the idea saying that it did not make sense. She pointed out that even some people who have the so called certificate of education do not have the necessary reasoning abilities that are needed to make the choice of a good leader. In her words, some of us who like to consider ourselves educated because we can read and understand the Venomous Hope’s articles spiced with bombastic words have hardly risen behind the tribal lines which the very people we look down on also use in their choice of leaders. She also mentioned that before we impose such on voters we will need to set reasonable standards on who can stand on what position when it comes to political offices.

I found myself agreeing with this lady on the point that the MSCE was not a good screening tool. This was due to the fact that I could hardly reason beyond how to get my feet into the corridors of the public universities when I had that paper. The secondary school curriculum did not equip me with the understanding of issues to do with political leadership and governance. I have been left with a residual question on what we could use as a good tool to determine who can vote and who not; and whether we need such.

At the end of this all, I realized that we are in trouble just like our friends in the UK. We will go to the ballot on the 21^st of May and vote with ignorance as our only qualification. Call this a pessimistic view but unless miracles happen, it will just be another case of under qualified voters voting for under qualified leaders. At the end of the day, the numbers will decide and those who get majority votes will be declared winners and leaders. The numbers will decide but there will be no solid ideology and view beyond the numbers…. just like with our friends in the United Kingdom.

This is a depressing article but luckily it has been delivered on a Friday. Use the weekend to improve your mood.

So... When does a Relationship Start? Answers to a Modern Day Question

It is yet another Friday and once again we get to have a fresh article from Richie Online. The just ended week was so full of article-worthy events with all the political hullabaloos in the country. In fact, way before the Winiko drama and the recent interviews of Ras Chikomeni David Chirwa (in which he spent over if not close to 5 minutes explaining his academic journey from Standard One to Form Four), two faithful Richie Online readers namely Nandi and Wanangwa were already asking me to feature something to do with the Rastafarian. I am not too sure whether their tribal roots had anything to do with the request or whether it is just the same euphoria that the ganja man has created but I must say that I felt compelled to write about something else.

WhatsApp. The introduction of WhatsApp status posts created a habit in all of us. When our app is dry of messages we resort to looking at messages and see what we can reply to and what not (at least I do). In the process, we end up starting conversations but sometimes we just view the posts for the fun of it, anyway. WhatsApp statuses have enabled people to express their minds without having to directly knock into a person’s message box. You probably know where this is going. I saw a posts and I want to write about it.

While I was exploring the new setup of the Zomba municipal market and exploring the new road that goes behind the market last Saturday, I checked my WhatsApp and saw a post. One good friend of mine called Noxy had asked a question.  “Kodi masiku ano mukumadziwa bwanji kuti chibwenzi chayamba?”. Confused emoji. How do you know that a relationship has started nowadays? To some, this might sound like a stupid question but I found Noxy’s confusion so relatable and the question important to an extent that I replied to the post (despite him making it clear that he doesn’t want people who don’t regularly text to be forging conversations out of his status posts) and then posted the screenshot of the question.

I will withhold the contents of the discussion we had but I will share the responses that I got when I asked the question. While this is a contentious issue and I expected a lot of responses (I had made that an informal survey), only three people gave responses beyond laughter emojis and kkkkk (whatever that means).

The first one was from one conservative lady. To her, a relationship starts when someone asks her out and she says yes. Some old school gangsta stuff right there.  I was glad to have that as the first response because it was very traditional despite some popular view that zofunsirana is archaic. Before the social media age in which people start relationships without a formal proposal just because they are clicking to an extent, people used to stand under a tree or on some corner and have a conversation on how one liked the other and would like to date the other. In other words, amuna ankafunsira ndithu.

The modern social media age has seen people become lovers just because they spent too many an hour on opposite ends of the line and one person under the influence of alcohol or overcome with emotions used the word “bae” in the chat. Boom! Love in Tokyo. While that might be the trend (and possibly the source of confusion for my brother from whom the question originated), it was interesting to note that some people have maintained the traditionalist and conservative outlook to the start of a relationship. While not dissing the new way of doing things, I must say that I admire people who still hold high this conservative view as it is probably the safest. The problem with the new one is that it creates confusion as some people get to be in relationships without their knowledge.

The second response came in from one of my idiot brothers. He said that one of the way of knowing that a relationship has started is when someone gets mad at you for replying late to a text. Stupid response, but one that bears a very good point.  

Let us contextualize the whole thing. In every relationship, people have expectations over their spouses. In the modern day setting where friendship and chibwenzi run in a continuum without any defining event like a proposal between them, there is a drastic change of expectations from the half of the union that feels like the relationship is already off the ground. If you fail to meet the expectations, tantrums are thrown and that’s where people get shocked to see surprising text messages. How could you do this to your man? I thought you and me are supposed to be tight. Chani chani uko. There probably are a couple of readers who realized they were dating when someone got mad at them.

   

Rather expectedly, one village idiot (feel like I am using this word a lot, koma idiot brother and village idiot are not derogatory expressions for those that think otherwise) punched a hole into the issue when he said that relationships start when people get intimate. Yeah. A relationship starts when two people finally have sex, according to him. Loose as this may sound, this is the truth for a good proportion of relationships in town. People get to click and then jump in bed on the first meeting after knowing each other and voila! Love in Paris. To people who have an ounce of conservative attitude would question this attitude and wonder why sex would precede the proposal process. Interestingly enough, those who are liberal would also wonder why sex should lead to an automatic relationship when such things can be done casually. One good lady friend of mine once told me that the main source of this confusion is that us, male humans usually do not come out clear on what we want from intimate relationships and that since sex is more emotional that it is physical for ladies, they get to automatically think the relationship ball has been set rolling the moment they jump in bed with a guy. Result? “Anangondivula!”  Zovutatu.

Looking at the three geneses to relationships according to these good friends of mine, one would understand the dynamic way in which relationships are being conceived.  We have matchmakers who take one number and give it to another and tell them to date (just like a boxing referee tells boxers to fight) with mixed results. In the traditionalist view, we can roughly classify these beginnings as with proposal and without proposal and I think this has a great bearing on what goes on in a particular relationship.

While I wanted to run away from the details of the discussion between me and the confused soul that posed the question, I remember disclosing to him on how relatable the issue of ambiguous relationships is. I have at some point ended up in awe or laughter after being introduced as someone’s boyfriend or someone’s ex when I had no prior knowledge of the relationship. Perhaps the need for formal proposals is still here and that we shouldn’t throw that culture out of the window.

Talking of proposals, some lady observed that guys are getting lazy with proposing nowadays. I am not too sure whether this particular person was for real or whether she just waited too long for a man of her dreams to cough the words out. That brings us to a modern day debate of whether it is normal or right for a woman to express her feelings to a man. We could make a small Richie Online survey in the comments. All in all, I will repeat this that I think that we should not throw proposals out of the window and that such a culture still has a place in the modern day society. By this, I am not trying to say that those who click and automatically start a relationship are going about it wrong (masiku ano ndi mmene waimverera), but in the midst of the intimacy and romance people need to take a pause and define who and what they are to one another to avoid unnecessary confusions.

Have a lovely weekend.

Malawi ndi Anthu Ache

It is yet another wonderful Friday and once again we get to be treated with an article. I must admit that I did not want to write today as I just felt lazy. I however changed my mind when one needy human sent me a message that she will need the article sent to her as a word document or portable document format (PDF, for some of you who didn’t know what that stands for). That made me have some guilt over the sin of abandoning the those who anticipate a read on a Friday.

Picking a topic I could zoom in this week hasn’t been an easy thing. As most of you must have observed, Richie Online is much of a fault finder and most of the articles are developed out of the blunders that people make. In this week however, no one stepped on the wrong toes enough to fill the prescribed two A4 pages of Richie Online. The week, however, provided a lot of news worth fitting into an article.

The past week saw a couple of videos of the leader of the warm heart of Africa go viral on the social networks especially on my favorite WhatsApp. The first one was the comparison in the statements between the late Prof Bingu wa Mutharika and his brother, the current leader on the developmental outputs of the Malawi Congress Party led government. While one (sititchula kuti ndani) praised the MCP led government for its contributions to national development, the other boldly said that the same regime did nothing for the country in the same period. That was probably just politics. It is, however the second video that caught my attention.

In the other video, el presidente was speaking at a rally against the killings of people with albinism. In his speech, he mentioned how his government through the Malawi Police Service was working hard to ensure that the killings of people with albinism were brought to an end. Forget the chiboda word, but I found that speech not so useful considering the duration for which we have been singing this song of stopping killings of our brothers and sisters with albinism. I have no idea of how to run government but I am pretty sure that I am not being unfair on anyone if I say that the government and the citizenry are not doing enough to curb these killings. Some have gone overboard and said that the reason these brutal killings have not been controlled is that some senior government officials know something about these operations. While I do not think that such is the case, I would not blame a person for harboring such thoughts. We have been told that there was a commission of sorts that was instituted to protect our brothers and sisters. Some people are probably on a salary for that job and all they will be doing is to come out when another killing has happened, telling us how they will intensify their operation of protecting those living with albinism. That is simply unbearable.

While most people think that this issue only affects those living with albinism and their families, this issue goes beyond our borders ad it affects the way people our nation with negative effects. I wonder as to why people entertain the thought of someone getting rich from rituals from parts of a fellow human and I wonder how people find peace enjoying monies realized from vending the same. Umunthu ndi Umulungu udzititsuta nthawi inayake.

Despite the evils of the killings of people with albinism, there hasn’t been much of a strong voice to condemn the same. I have not heard much from the (in)famous civil society organizations and there is deafening silence from the members of the clergy who in my view were supposed to be shouting in a loud and collective voice against such barbaric acts. Instead, we in our churches are busy with political posturing, exorcising members in the most unusual of ways or preaching the gospel of prosperity. Where is that humanitarian role of the church? Your answer is as good as mine.

Despite the ongoing countdown to the elections, there isn’t much of a voice against the killings of people with albinism from the people who are aspiring for the position of the country’s CEO. Instead, people are busy discussing retirement packages, causing commotions and arresting each other on political grounds. News has it that some politically motivated arrests were made at some point. Whether that is true or not is subject to debate, but the response from the members of the rival party left a lot to be desired. Result? More arrests. More often than not, I wish we all could practice issue-based and objective politics. As people who walk, talk, eat and dream politics, we cannot afford to be practicing politics of mudslinging and intimidation. Tidzitolere. We need to get our priorities straight as a nation.

While we are still on politics, the week saw the country’s electoral body release names of the presidential aspirants who had collected their nomination forms. On top of the usual APM, SKC, JB, Abusa and mwana wa Atcheya, Chris Daza and Cassim Chilumpha also collected their papers. Completing the 13-human list were some unusual names like  Mr Henry Jailos Mbewe, Mr Smart Swira, Mr Peter Kuwani, Mr Chimbuna Belekiah and Ras Chikomeni David Chirwa. While I know that the well read members of the Richie Online community may know these people very well, I had hardly heard any of these names before MEC released them for us to know who is throwing their hat in the ring. Missing from the list was the name of my wonderful teacher in medical school, Prof John Chisi. Looking at the list, I cannot help but believe that most of these are having a go at the elections with clear foreknowledge that they are not going to be anywhere near victory. That, to me brings questions as to what people really aim for when they join these presidential races. I am yet to find out the reason, but I am pretty sure that it has something to do with financial gains at the very end of it all.

There was a clip of a collapsing bridge in Lilongwe that went around groups and WhatsApp status posts. I am told that this was a 4 month old bridge that had been recently built as part of the widespread development that is taking place in the country. Looking at the way it was swept away, one could easily note that the bridge was built using substandard materials and techniques. Engineers, consultants and the people involved in procurement owe the nation an explanation.

Rather informally, one good doctor theorized that this was all due to people who review the bids for such contracts, who in agreement with construction companies and inflate the bids so that they can get money from the contractors as reward for giving them the contracts. In a bid to make their ends meet, the companies use substandard materials and techniques and the result is substandard work that does not live to the expected life span. Nanga mlatho mpaka kukokoloka patangotha miyezi inayi? Again, Umunthu ndi Umulungu udzititsutsa.

Looking at the politicians who are in a race to the state house and their silence on issues that matter, the people involved in our development projects and those who are killing our brothers and sisters with albinism, I am inclined to think that we have this trait of selfishness that needs addressing. People are willing to take a life for a few thousand kwachas more in their account and others are willing to make their pockets fat at the expense of the entire nation. One would smell the hypocrisy that comes with the assertion that Malawi is a God-fearing nation when we consider the day to day wrongs that we have now come to consider usual. I am not too sure of what it will take to sort this nation out but it begins with all of us. Perhaps if we were all individually willing to rise above our own interests and for a second thought about the needs of our fellow countrymen… Perhaps we could get a step closer to prosperity as a nation.

Wishing you a lovely weekend as you ponder on who to vote for on  the array of candidates that spans from the incumbent Prof Mutharika to Ras Chikomeni. That, is worth your thought.

The 21st Century Paradox of Sex

It is a wonderful Friday and the first Friday of the year could not be any better. We have crossed over to the other year and this Friday needed to be spiced with an article from yours truly.

Being in a new year, my WhatsApp has been busy with season greetings and people wishing me a wonderful 2019. I have had a phone for a good number of seasons like these, where people would always try to reach out and wish me a Merry Christmas and Happy New year. One thing I have noticed over time is that such messages are over time beginning to lose their value. Let me explain.

Back then, someone had to either call or text to give you such messages. That took a lot of airtime and one would always appreciate when they got a call from a friend or family member in the name of offering season greetings. The coming in of WhatsApp and its cousins has made things a bit too easy for people and annoyingly easy for recipients like me who are overly sensitive to the content we get through our texting apps. I was greatly disappointed to note that there were some who instead of typing a personalized message to wish me a Happy New Year, opted to forward the one they had gotten from someone else. That wasn’t an issue for those who sent in some animated pictures or some videos to give the same message. Forwarding those isn’t an issue for me although I generally find it unnecessary for people to be using videos or animated pictures to express feelings text can easily do.

There were, however, some other good messages and the reason I loved them was that they were personal. One person sent me a message referring to me as her friend who likes research and there were a couple who recounted how we had been apart over the past year with hopes that we would be closer this year. The one that caught my attention, however was a message that came from one of my lost brothers. The message, which contained a swear word or two was stipulating that he didn’t feel like wishing me the same usual things people wish each other in seasons like this (love, peace, happiness). Instead, this human wished me more sex, booze and a win in the lottery. I found that interesting. For starters, I don’t do lottery and I am trying to cut down on booze. That being said, we can spend the rest of the remaining space to talk about the sex.

I was born in a strongly Catholic family and I have remained a practicing Catholic despite having done some spiritual window shopping in the early days of my college life. One of the things they teach us in church is that sex before marriage is a sin. This particular brother of mine knows I am Catholic and he knows that I am not married. You can guess the question. Why was he wishing me more sex in the year? Was it because I posted on my WhatsApp that I will get married this year? Probably not.

My (and your) general observation is that nowadays people have a liberal view of sex regardless of marital status and religious beliefs. While almost all religions to which most people I interact with belong to advocate for the discipline of practicing sexual relations only in the setting of holy matrimony, it is ironic to note that many succumb to the temptation of tasting the fruit before heading to the altar. This has at times left me with questions as to whether it is realistic and practical to adhere to this teaching. On one hand, I feel like it is possible taking it from the fact that some people have done it before. My doubts come in when I see some people who play holy and pretend not to have done these things when some of us have clear evidence to the contrary.

I personally would like to think that these unwarranted sexual relationships which are happening outside marriage were not as rampant back then. One would blame it on the boom in the social media and westernization which has pulled the world closer leaving a potential sexual partner only a few text messages away. Add westernization to the mix, having sex is no longer taken as a big deal and people easily add it to the weekend’s to-do list without giving it much thought. In other words, there is an increase in extramarital sexual relationships that are happening even outside normal relationships.

One would wonder as to why people, whose private parts are supposed to be covered and viewed by some selected few in the course of their lives are willing to undress in front of many. Well. Many reasons. My psychology teacher, Dr Chiwoza Bandawe, once said that sex is very romantic, economic, political, and religious along with many other things you can think of. Among the modern day youths, however, there is a lot of sex that is happening for the financial gains or just for pleasure.

Recently, I have observed that there is one other reason for which people are having lots of pre and extramarital sex; securing relationships. Two scenarios. I may move around and find a partner with whom I can start what some of us prefer to call a stable relationship. In such a case, sex almost becomes an automatic entitlement for both. One young lady once boldly told me that she cannot have a relationship without sex. Naye ali mu umodzi mwa mipingo yomwe imaletsa nginizi ija and I finki amaimbako kwayala. The second scenario is tricky. A young lady begins to click with a young man who she feels has potential. They seem to be clicking and before you know it they are spending hours together. Somehow, their minds happen to be oscillating at different wavelengths and while el woman is happily dating, el man is still trying to know the lady to be. Then boom! Sex happens. Next thing you know? Someone is complaining. He used me and dumped me, she says. Not too sure I have heard male humans complain of being used (or abused?) sexually, but this is a common utterance for the ladies which entails that most have fallen prey to this.

I will not go into details of extramarital relationships as I am not too knowledgeable as to what propels people into that. Having said all that, however, I think is safe to conclude that there premarital and extramarital relationships are doing society more harm than good. Some of the people who get heart-broken because of the feeling that they were used do not recover to live healthy sexual lives again. Some just turn into animals that go on sex sprees as they no longer value the gift of sexual intimacy. Risk of unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections? I think that is too obvious to be mentioned here.

One preacher once mentioned that when you are having sex with someone, you get to spiritually connect with all his or her prior sexual partners. I am no expert in such things, but if such a thing is something to go by, then we need to be careful about the decisions we make about sex. Chiwoza emphasized on how sex can affect individuals and societies in many different ways and over the years I have gotten to appreciate his words. Perhaps it is high time we reflected on why our churches and cultures teach us not to  have sex before certain conditions are fulfilled. Perhaps we need to adopt a more conservative view of sex if we are to live normal, physically and spiritually healthy lives.

Ndasamba pakumwa, but Happy New Year.