It is a wonderful Friday. Down in the commercial capital, we
are having typical April weather with a little June in the mix. All in all, it
is a good day and once again we have something to read on for the day.
I was overwhelmed by the positive feedback that came from
the last article considering how hastily it was prepared. Even the Venomous
Hope whose purpose in life is to spit on my articles was impressed with what I
wrote and that is a good sign. In line with the article, I found a Nipsey
Hussle quote which was posted by Dr Chiwoza Bandawe. If you look at people within your circle and you do not get inspired,
then you do not have a circle; rather, you are in a cage. End of quote.
Zambiri tinanena kale sabata latha. I will not comment on this in the same way
I will not comment on your statues and politics.
Earlier this week, I found myself receiving complaints from
two people who lamented that I stopped loving them (they did say, “masiku ano
munasiya kutikonda”). These are two people who do not know each other but were
once close friends a couple of years back. When I first heard what they had to
say to me, I found myself being surprised but after giving it a bit of thought,
I realized that there might be a lot of people who feel the same but are unable
to express it as openly. Moving on with the week, I was also reminded as to how
bad I am at handling conversations and how I am not that good with the very
thing I enjoy; texting. Another conversation reminded me of how I am not that
good at reading the green lights from prospective ujenis and how I have blown my chances of landing in the arms of a
fair lady because of the lack of this basic skill. At some point, I concluded
that I suck at this whole being human thing considering that humans are social
beings (or social animals, depending on your mood). After giving it a bit of
thought, I recognized how dynamic human interaction may be and how we need to
set realistic expectations for both ourselves and others in interpersonal
relations.
Back in my foundation year, our Language and Communication
Lecturers taught us how outcomes of communication are influenced by the
perception of the initiator and recipient of the communication. In this regard,
sometimes what one person means may be interpreted differently by the target
audience which makes communication a tricky thing. I got myself thinking about
this because the things that people said about my conduct towards them were a
typical example of this phenomenon.
Without blowing much of a loud whistle for myself, I would
like to believe that the fact that you can read this article means that you
have reached a certain level in life. I am saying this because I know that most
readers of these things are either students in reputable tertiary institutions
or young graduates who are rising in life. The fact that you have attained your
current status means that there is a certain gap between you and the person you
sat next to in your secondary school class at Nanjiriri CDSS and they may not
always interpret that gap well. The fact that you graduated from the University
of Malawi means that your brain does not oscillate at the same wavelength with
your distant cousin who didn’t and you should never feel guilty for not being
able to have a conversation as good as that you had in the days of old.
When I was in my second year in college, I bumped into my
Standard 6 classmate. This was at the beginning of the semester when I had all
the time in the world so I gladly suggested that he visits my room and we have
a chat. A couple of months later, he came unannounced and knocked on my door
while I was busy preparing for my end of year examinations. He had a rude
awakening when I told him that I did not have the time for a chat and he needed
to go back because I was preparing for examinations. I never heard from the guy
again and it is probably because he felt insulted as he did not understand my
situation. Little did he know that I had done the exact same thing to my sister
who had come to see me just a day before. Gaps. Do not expect me to be chatting
with you as nicely as we do when I get a job with the United Nations in Geneva.
I will also manage my expectations because I know a lot of you are going to
rise to greater heights.
Time and distance are another factor that leads to differences
in interaction. If at some point we were best friends while we both lived under
the care of Group Village Headman Makalani some 15 years back, our interaction
may not be the same now because I moved from that side and we may not have the
proximity for the interaction. Most of us tend to expect to utilize technology
to interact with people as frequently and nicely as when they were living
within a stone’s throw distance. I regret to announce that it is not the case
and that is simply because with distance and time your friends will meet other
people with whom they click. If you are physically far away, the new friends
may replace you automatically and never count that as your friends’ fault. We
will discuss the issue of ending relationships because of going to college or
because your spouse has been withdrawn a bit later in the year (probably in
June, when we are done collecting data).
Adding to differences in social status and the time and
distance factor, it is worth noting that sometimes people may shun from
communicating because of a perceived need to give you some space. This may be due to your personal behavior and
attitude towards the people around you or your new associations. While we are
still on the new associations, we should also realize that shifts in faith will
lead to shifts in friendships and connections because people tend to stop
associating with non-believers when they get born again and others find their
new born again friends boring following such shifts in beliefs.
While we may try to explain changes in interaction and put
them in theoretical frameworks, it is important to realize that friendships are
just dynamic. From my personal experience, we tend to treat people differently
and sometimes there is no particular reason for the variation. I have friends
with whom I expect a chat every single day before a certain hour in the morning
while the people I may consider best friends may go a couple of days without my
greeting. You might have those people with whom you just nicely text on a
regular basis without feeling compelled to meet for some mang’ina (I have three
with whom I have never met) and there are those with whom you only text when
you want to schedule a chat in person.
These dynamics in interaction have a lot of implications about
who we interact with and considering that one’s network is one’s net worth, it
is important to understand how these interactions work and how to balance them
up. It is also important to note that personal interaction is heavily affected
by people’s abilities to express themselves in different situations. While some
people may be free-spirited and able to spit everything they have in their
chests, some are more reserved and would hardly express their feelings with the
rest being in the middle to a degree.
The search for a spouse has turned out to be a tricky
venture considering interaction dynamics. People have ended up being
disappointed after asking someone who they thought was into them out only to be
told off. Ladies have ended up being frustrated after not being asked out by
someone to whom they thought they had shown all the necessary green lights. In
general, communication may get distorted by different kinds of noises they may
range from personal perspectives through time and distance to cultural differences.
Having realized this, we need to develop the art of communicating by learning
to understand our audiences and simulating how best we can craft our
communication to make sure that they get the intended message. We also need to
manage our expectations from ourselves and other people when it comes to
personal communication because we may not always communicate as efficiently as
we would want to.
Human interaction is dynamic.
Have a wonderful weekend.
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