Greetings. It is yet another Friday and once again we get to
converge on this blog to have a feel of what is going out of the vents on the
head of today’s author. As we said, this is a venting platform which comes with
traces of radical opinions and traces of wisdom on a rare day. Today is one
typical day and we will do exactly that.
It is Valentine’s day and this means that the number of hits
on this article will go down as people are busy sorting out their love lives.
Or admiring others who are busy doing so. A Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you
who celebrate the day. As for those of you who are like me, tiyeni tidzipanga
zathu. The LORD remains our shepherd and he will lay us in greener pastures.
On to the issue of the day…
The day was Saturday, the 8th of February, 2020.
I was at home and glued to La Liga TV thanks to the combination of weekend
boredom, loneliness and my love for Spanish football. There happened to be a
game between RCD Espanyol and Mallorca, teams you probably have never heard
about. It was not so surprising, then that I had my phone in hand, texting and
scrolling through other social media pages. Having exhausted chats with people
who are usually on my texting list and received blue ticks from my crush, it
was time to close WhatsApp and switch to Facebook.
I should say something about Facebook before we go on with
this. There are a lot of people who think that is some sort of outdated social
network which has no place in a modern person’s life in the 2020s. I beg to
differ because I still find Facebook interesting. There are those people who
send you a friend request without knowing you prior and without any purpose
whatsoever. Then there are those people who people deem authorities in current
affairs; those humans who always have an analytical opinion on each and every
current affair in the country. I, like many normal humans with intellect prefer
the latter. Then there are those funny humans who are posting memes, the news
pages, celebrity and entertainment pages and those who post pictures with the
caption “FB sungire”. They all make the network interesting in their own way.
I was nicely scrolling on my news feed when I found
something that caught my eye. Now this was a post on a social group called
Stress Free Malawi. For some that may not know what this group is all about, it
seeks to relieve stress. People generally post satire things which attract satire
comments. Others come and read the comments and there it ends. On another note,
the group can be a bit of a meme-generator as some posts and comments end up
being taken as screenshot and posted by meme lords and ladies on other social
networks.
By now, you probably know where I am going with this. This
human had posted on this stress-relief group; asking us single people how we
were going to survive Valentine’s Day. Now in as much as I am single, I have
not lost a single hair on my head and I do not have a headache because of the
singleness. I did not expect to have a diagnosis of disseminated nyekhwelitis
secondary to prolonged singleness (that’s what doctors would write in your
health book), so in my mind I wanted to convey a message; that being single
would not make the day any different. My premise was that there are some
holidays and prominent days that some of us have survived despite not having
any direct involvement. To me, a single person on Valentine’s Day is just like
a Muslim on Christmas day or a Christian on the Eid-ul-fitr holiday. For some
reason, however, I chose to illustrate this with a rather extreme example and I
ended up asking how the person who made the original post thought people
without AIDS survive on World AIDS day. The comment was made and the local man
continued scrolling without giving it much thought.
After an early retirement to bed, I found myself waking to
five messages containing the screenshot of the post and the comment I had made.
Well. Maybe people saw it, found it funny and took a screenshot. Those who have
never had some actual personal time with me could not believe it was me and
others sought to clarify if it was really me. As the day went, things got crazy
because the messages started coming in from people whose contacts I actually
did not have prior. Surprisingly, the messages and statuses kept coming from
all over, days after. Common caption? “Mwatchuka”. Now I do not think that the
viral nature of the post amounted to fame for me; without an explanation but I
would like to comment on things I learnt.
The first thing is about the personality of me, as Richard
Kamwezi. I have had people describe me in a lot of different ways, some of
which are in direct opposition to others. The fact that some people were
surprised with the comment I made to the extent of seeking verification as to
whether it was me who had actually thought of an typed such a comment in such a
group makes me think that they did not see it coming and they were not ready
for that side of me. Well. There is another side of this coin and it has what
is called a sense of humor. Then came
the doctor card because some thought that a person who is a doctor should not
be making such comments. Well. I beg to differ. I think we all need a lighter
moment and such forums provide a way of blowing off steam. These are chat
groups comments on which some of us like to read. If we can read and enjoy what
others are posting, why not comment and let others read too?
One open-minded friend of mine who happens to be a faithful
reader on this page wondered why the thing that took my name to a social media
blowout was a satirical comment when I had spent years writing proper articles
on an established platform (of sorts). That might say something about my
marketing skills for my blog which now has a readership of less than 80 hits
per article on peak days nowadays. Perhaps, however, it also says something
about the gullible nature of the human soul. Timakonda zinthu.
If you are to ask me or others who are experts at jokes (tsk
tsk), what I had done here was to recycle and old joke and repackage it to suit
the situation. Nothing serious. Someone thought it was funny and sent it to a
Marymount alumni group and automatically others, who originally did not think
it was funny found the joke in it and started throwing it around. Well. Not how
I planned it, but it happened anyway. A recycled joke is not supposed to cross borders, though. But it did and six days after the post I am still receiving the screenshot. You like things, you people; our elections case, our
commissioners, our Bushiri, our snakes and all that stuff.
So, how has it been in my few days of having a screenshot of
my stupid comment go viral? Well. Pretty normal. I like to be low key and do
not like to have my name circulating. I realized one thing, though. Not many
would pay attention to the name, and even if they did, they would hardly put it
to a face. Well. Even if they did, then what? I will tell you one thing that
has been very irritating, though. I have been having people resuscitating
fossilized friendships just because they have gotten a screenshot with my name
on it. Well. I guess some things we just have to bear with. I am glad, though
that no one has come to me to complain that they found the thing offensive. If
you have, my apologies. Timangocheza.
If you could remind me, I would like to write an article
about how not to love next week.
Reporting live from the Men’s Conference.
Perhaps you could talk a look at the 2014 and 2016 Valentine's Day articles from Richie Online on the links below.
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