Of Covid-19, MEC and Birthdays

by the Venomous Hope


It’s good to be back as the scribe on this esteemed forum, especially on the occasion of the birthday of the proprietor of this blog. Many happy returns Richie from me and many others who take a peek of your thoughts every Friday. Perhaps it is why the gaff’ment saw it fit that your big day should coincide with the Labor Day, so much that you may have enough time for free uwiri at Chezz Ntemba. Meanwhile cables indicate that your fans here in Mzokoto have started collecting national IDs and signatures to force the hand of our incessantly resurrecting Big Kahuna at State House to change the name of the holiday to Richie’s Day, and I can bet chigubu chathobwa that most chiefs from T/A Ntchema have already been lined up to endorse this change on MBC, so long as your pockets continue to leak coins to bribe them.

So money is where I will begin. Most of the headlines in our social domain in this republic concern someone crying foul because he did not receive a cut he was promised, or the usual embezzling acts that most public officers have now mastered.

Just a couple of weeks ago, Richie and fellow comrades paralyzed the operations of the health system because they wanted a bigger chunk from the Covid Funds so that the “risk allowance" does indeed come close to covering the risks they undertake everyday on the operating table. The so-called “listening government” bowed down to pressure and hiked it to the extent that the least paid health practitioner will cart home at least K20000 per month (well not including salaries), up from the meagre K1800 they were receiving. Well we don’t know how long this will last as the memo indicated the it will only cover the period corona virus is hitting waves. But simple permutations, an ordinary health cover at MASM that does not even insure an air ticket for world-class surgeons to India or an audience with a specialist at Mwaiwathu costs K16000 per month. It just shows they were justified to push hard to get what they deserve and remove the embarrassing 1800 that cannot even buy a cough syrup bottle.
It is the Covid Fund, however, that has generated a lot of interests more than the disease itself, well at least in Nyasaland.

Government monger, party mercenary and agency is wrestling hard to have their dirty hands on it and not much focus is placed on the ground where the virus is silently spreading among us. Now that the controlling shark has changed surname from Cabinet Committee on Covid-19 to Presidential Task Force, the forces with eyes peeled on the ever-increasing hundreds of billions of kwachas’ fund will also multiply. Even our chiefs, prophets, and akutinso professors (well not achina Dr Uladi Musa) will now have windows to see for themselves how the moneys are being shared. Just saw today Gender Coordination Network demanding the president to make the Task Force gender sensitive, with at least 50-50 representation of both sexes. haha zikafika apa umangodziwa kuti chithumba anthu sakuchionera kukondwa.
 My point, though, is that the focus is much on profiteering rather than fighting this fatal silent enemy that is wrecking multitudes of lives across the globe. It seems no one is interested in distributing hand sanitizers to peasants from Mwamlowe nor handing over face mask to traders at Chapananga. We are quick rather to send agents to pacify trigger-happy Prison Service warders who are also demanding a share of the lofty Covid pie. The philosophy we are using all along is that as long as everyone who makes a lot noise has been given a piece to eat then we can go on our business. Well maybe not true. They will mention a stimulus cash injection for financially stricken urban households who will start receiving K35000 per day in their mpamba accounts or MEDEF loans that have been relaunched (4 times now). But 35k is merely a blip for those guarding the purse actually, at least 13 times an amount Botomani, one Misinformation Minister, makes in day when they brief us that the country has registered another case.

I would have liked to see those close to chuthumba implementing strategies to combat the virus, like increasing forced testing, door to door awareness especially in the rural areas where they don’t have access to electricity or Zuku Tv; sealing airtight our borders for non-essential homo sapiens (don’t know why people are still trekking to either Tanzania and South Africa when they know those countries are red hot zones for Covid-19, recklessness above opportunism); procuring more ventilators; supporting small scale businesses (not with mere tantrum and campaign speeches) like barbershops, mandazi sellers and minibus touts who will not be covered by the K35000. We are losing a lot of time debating who needs what and waiting for more cases to rise when we should be debating whether to implement compulsory masks wearing in public. Over a period of two months the country hasn’t yet hit 1000 tests, that alone is recipe for disaster. Malawi alone has returned to the state of nature that Hobbes described as “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short”. Survival of the fittest. But only those with long fingers will continue surviving once this Corona virus decide to take a break, assuming they managed to dig themselves a bigger share when no one was looking lest they end up like Loot-e-pal. When all is said, however, we will rue this moment when we should have been doing something that can in a long way help prevent many from contracting the virus. I hope we won’t end up hearing that the Task Force has changed its name to a Commission (I don’t know if NAC still exists), after all, no sane soul that has endorsed the candidature of APM can reject a place on the government board if invited to the banquet.

Speaking of endorsements, the esteemed president of the mighty Assembly for Democracy and Development (ADD don’t confuse with Machinga ADD), who at one time was Vice President without portfolio, Dr Cassim Chilumpha, has publicly added his signature to the candidature of our dear professor at Sanjika in the coming elections. Chilumpha must have been chased by all big wigs in the political arena probably because of his links to one of the biggest party alliances this country has ever seen, Tikonze Alliance, where he was among the founders and at some point leader of more than 8 parties that included Mafunde, Petra, Aford and other tiny shell parties that exist only at the Registrar’s office. It was important that he endorses Adadi as he continue to eat our taxes through his hefty retirement package. It’s a big catch for DPP-UDF alliance who have been battered by bad news especially from the courts in recent months. And with that endorsement, the number of potential candidates for the forthcoming elections has reduced. We just need more bribes to coax Ras Chikomeni, DSD Kuwani of Mbakuwaku and 7 others that are rumored to have already collected nomination papers to come in the open and root for one of the bigger fishes. Perhaps creating a ministry of Herbal Sciences, Roots and Smoking Affairs for the good Rasta from Chimaliro will quench his thirst to run this time, or if bwana Chakwera can add a Vanette to his politically transmitted fleet of cars. if that happens we can only worry that Covid is the only obstacle that can delay these elections. And MEC is still receiving criticisms from its handling of the electoral process. Why does MEC not institute an inquiry on the alleged registration of minors whose evidence has flooded the media? As a registered voter my fear is on the legitimacy of the decisions the commission is making now when they know they have few weeks in office as their tenure is expiring. They haven’t made anything that can wrest away fears that they are a bunch of people who can fix the results. Maybe they are waiting for the court decision next Tuesday, and its then when they will take head on all the allegations with serious gusto. We are doomed if this commission will organize the elections.

On a final note, congratulations to PSG for winning yet another Ligue 1 title after French government suspended canceled all sporting activities until at least September. In German they are planning on resuming the season albeit playing behind closed doors, while in Italy all clubs have voted to resume the season at some point in the future. Some dark forces are rooting the cancellation to happen in England, only different is to call the season null and void (like Concourt), and my Liverpool to continue its dry spell of titles past the 30-year mark. Ufiti uwu. We are already 25 points clear, with only 2 wins to mathematically confirm the inevitable and yet someone wants to void thukuta la season yonse, tikhapanapo kenako. I understand that FAM has created a fund to cater for super league teams in these hard times. it was in the news recently that Wanderers will deduct 30% on the salary of its players, and that Tigers aka Kaukau were close to a deathbed due to financial woes that have crippled them since God knows when. And with this intervention by FAM I am sure it will save the game, clubs, and most importantly lives. The same should be instilled in us, whatever small we can manage we should share to those struggling making ends meet.
Enjoy your weekend folks.