On Cheating

 

It is another Friday.

I was halfway through an article on communicating the 2022 way when I remembered two things. 

1. The last two articles were about 2022. 

2. The topic of relationships has been neglected on this blog for some time at a time when people are misbehaving around relationships. Here to share some somewhat unpopular opinions. 

You may not agree with some of these things, but read on. This is the year of alternative wisdom.

Wednesday, January 12, 2022 was dubbed the day of the MG2. For those of you who live under information-deprived rocks or those of you who generally are not vascularized enough to be getting what goes on in Malawi, there were two clips (and I have seen a third one) that were in circulation. According to the narratives, one was of a man who was caught by his wife while driving with his mistress. The wife’s reaction? Fighting the mistress. Other trigger happy humans thought it might be time to break out their Itel S16 and shoot some grainy video of what was happening. Second clip? A fight between an MG2 and MG3. A side chick caught a side chick with the man’s car and caused a scene. But you probably know this already having seen the clips.

I think this is a good point to start today. Time and again we hear stories of cheating. In most cases, it is men who are doing the most in this field but a female friend of mine told me that that balance is rapidly and dangerously shifting as women are increasingly getting into cheating. The issue of cheating deserves its own article but I am here to initiate a discussion on the reaction to cheating. Time and again we hear about incidents of cheating because of the way people react to them, and I am wondering if we are handling these issues well.

You catch your spouse cheating. This is someone you have been dating for that past couple of years. Your families know about your relationship and you have already contacted the tailor (or designer as they prefer to be called these days) and paid the deposit for your engagement outfit. With the date for chinkhoswe already fixed you hear that he or she is with another person at Balotelli Lodge. You want to rush there to catch them pants down. I think that may be a fair reaction. But do you have to grab a gang of your friends and tell them to take pictures and videos of your loved one naked? Say you found some suspicious chats. Do you take screenshots and send them out on social media?

Of late we have seen a lot of people exposing their partners’ cheating behaviours. In one clip that was in circulation last year, a naked woman is seen pleading with people to stop taking photos and videos of what was going on. Apparently she was caught with another man in a cheap lodge. A married woman. His husband showed up with his boys and who took what can be likened to a video of the ordeal. Sources, however, have it that the two people made up and are back to their lovey doveys. Remember the Area 30 scandal? I shouldn’t go into that. My point is that when we feel like someone is cheating on us, it is good to leave silently and move on to the next one without making a scene. We are sharing too much in these relationships; things that are bound to bring us together. You do not want to be back with someone you punched in the face. You don’t want to go back to a photoshoot with someone whose conversations you exposed. Back to the person whose nudes you leaked? How does that reflect on you? Even if you are not coming back, you do not need to tape anything. Put that phone back in your pocket, because we are not interested.

While we are on the same issue of cheating, some of you need to learn how to make firm decisions about your cheating partners. He cheats for the 8^th time with the 5^th girl and you still take him back. “He is a good man and he loves me. Anangolakwitsa”. Kupusa. Do you know kuti nafenso timakufuna and we are planning on being faithful? DO you even know that relationships are meant to be enjoyed as opposed to being endured? Men who are seeing red flags all over but not doing anything about it… Is everything okay? Mwamva zoti munthuyu ndiwagulu. What are you doing about it? Learn to make these tough decisions. These things you call love can be explained in terms of chemical reactions when we go on the deeper end of the pool of science. Oxytocin is the chemical that makes you feel butterflies and what not. I guess all I am saying is that you need to know when to walk out.

A couple of months ago there was a hot debate about an article written by Edith Gondwe who bashed ladies who trouble their men for money. Interestingly, that debate has refused to die. On the male side, people have argued that azimayi akupempha kwambiri; asking for expensive things and almost living off relationships. Women, on the other hand argued that they are meant to be provided. Interestingly, there came one statement that advised men to be courting women that they can afford. Some have wondered why we have gotten to a point where women want to be afforded and not to be loved. Love does not pay bills, some would say. But are relationships supposed to be a source of money for paying for bills? We could go on and on, but that would not solve the underlying problem. Let’s dissect.

Relationships have gotten complicated nowadays. With this whole “sex first, relationship later” mess we have gotten ourselves into, most people find themselves in situationships where people end up having transactional sex. If your think I am exaggerating, go to Pemphero Mphande’s page and read about the girl who tricked his boyfriend’s friend into getting a relationship with her because he was generous while her boyfriend was stingy. The man we used to call chidyamakanda was later named sugar daddy and now wears an almost canonized name of blesser.

Here is the thing about a blesser. The typical one has a proper family; wife and children. He is out there chasing some young girl that he will not marry. Wanna know why they accept him? Because of what he offers. He brings money that you, a 27-year-old handsome beard farmer cannot bring. When she asks you for an internet bundle you tell her that you will see and switch your data off. The blesser? When she asks for a bundle she buys her an iPhone. The end result is that there are some who have taken relationships as a means of earning a living. When this man spends that much, e wants something in return. You know what I mean. This brought in an interesting argument when the debate about Edith’s article. Some women told men off, saying that if they want peace, they should stop chasing these slay queens. The slay queen has no other thing to gain so it they want to go with them, they might as well accept that they will be paying the price. Fair point? I don’t know. All I am saying is that we cannot continue like this. And shall we stop sugar coating things please? Blesser? Side chick? Why don’t we call these people what we used to call them in the 80s? I wasn’t there in the 80s but you know what I mean.

Back to the issue of these relationships you call automatic. A guy is out there telling people that he has a girl. They probably slept together a couple of times prior leading the guy into thinking they are together. He probably spends on her too. Somewhere else the girl is out denying, saying he is just a friend. You’ve never heard of that, right? Me neither, but I am sure it has happened somewhere although in most cases the reverse happens. Atsikana ambiri ali mu zibwenzi zoti alimo okha. The guy they are counting has no idea that he is in a relationship and is probably planning on how to entice his next victim; or friend with benefit as we call them in this brittle world where we sugarcoat everything. Can I just remind you what the old Chewa adage says? Awiri sayenda limodzi asanapangane. You’ve got to make it clear that you are starting a relationship before you start giving each other relationship privileges. Y’all people are giving too much to people that don’t care about you. Are you okay?

And what’s this obsession with sex and relationships, good people?Tilibe zina zochita? A girl dumps you and goes to another man because you have no money. Instead of making money you go looking for another girl. No work done. And ladies, having friends that are getting laid doesn’t mean you should also be getting laid. We are walking in different lanes and fighting different battles. There is a whole life outside sex and relationships. Have you tried chasing money? How about evangelism? Farming? How about that thing called self-love. Yes. We need to be loved, but stop forcing things because there is more to life than this thing we are calling love nowadays. Whatever the hell it is.

Anyway. I should stop. I shouldn’t take away all the motivation you need to be forcing your relationship. Aliyense azipanga zomwe zamusangalatsa.