Of Transactional Romance

 

It is yet another Friday. Ideally, I would not have written this post, but I have written it for two reasons. The first one is that I would like to prove one of my friends wrong. When I said I would want to finish my work before writing an article, he said it would not be done. I just wanted to prove someone wrong. The other reason I wanted to write this is that since I have decided not to take part in this Friday, I may soon run out of things to do. I thought, I might as well spend some half to 3 quarters of an hour drafting this. Plus I have something to say.

As I am typing, I am writing, I am watching an episode of an animation series called the Boondocks. In the scene I am watching is a conversation between two young boys who are discussing the issue of going on a date. The other one is suggesting that just because people men take women out for dates and pay for the food, then the women who get paid for are what could be whores. The other tries to correct him by saying that technically when you pay for the food and drinks, you don’t pay the lady but you are paying the restaurant. Guess the response? I am still paying so she is a whore. I have watched this episode before and by the end of it the story is that these kids’ grandfather gets ripped off by a stripper who was being run by some man. Interesting stuff. You should watch the series if you haven’t already. I have it at Naperi 449.

We have kicked off with a conversation by some two fictional children but we need to face it that there was something that all of us could learn or relate with from their conversation. Here we go.

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in a bar sipping some Indian Tonic when some two guys came and sat next to me. Because I was all alone and had nothing extra to do, I was playing with my phone while eavesdropping to their conversation. I mean, it is not illegal yet, right? Now.. These are not fictional people. They are real ones and from Zingwangwa according to their chat. In the prime of their chat, they were sharing notes about their multiple sexual partners and how they were managing them. Interesting chat that was. From the stories, one of them was married and one was in what you people like to call a serious relationship. One of them was talking of how he had blocked the girl with whom he had a one night stand. His reason was that she had kept calling and was a threat to his relationship. The other one went on to highlight the importance of keeping phone numbers or other contact details out of sexual relationships. Crazy stuff. According to him, once you have sexual relations with a girl, they turn you into a cash mill. He went on to say that nowadays most relationships are hinged on money and the more girls you have the more exit routes your money will have.

While I did not see the little fictional kids (Riley and Huey), I saw something that was similar. The lesson I learnt from that is that there is a certain proportion of men who think that the majority of women depend on men for survival in town. Whether that is true or not depends on how you look at it, but we can agree here that there are a lot of people who are living off their relationships…. And it is not only the female side, by the way. Some men also live off their women in one way or the other. Should we be calling each other out for that? Maybe. Maybe not.

In the later day society where there are blurred lines between being strangers, being friends and being in a relationship, the sort of thing could be an issue. People meet at a party today, decide to get intimate the same night and then exchange numbers later. I am talking about normal people and not the ones you see in short dresses around Henderson Street in Blantyre or at Bwandiro in Lilongwe. I have heard stories of people who have had such one-night stands. At that moment, no payment was demanded from them but later they started paying for nails and weaves to an extent that when the valuation was conducted they felt like they were getting a raw deal. Next thing? They got intimate again and then it became a habit and subsequently a relationship. Or arrangement. Or entanglement. Or whatever you call it. I have heard of these before and I am not so sure if the reverse happens in a similar fashion; like a lady paying for sneakers, hair cuts and a Palystation 5 following a one-night stand. All we know, here at Richie Online, is that we also have guys living off ladies. How it starts, we are not sure.

Perhaps we should not limit this to sexual relations because there are some friendships that only exist because of the money one party has to offer. These things people call squads are sometimes just settings in which others become cash mills. As for us who partake in not-so-sweet drinks, there is this concept of a buyer; the sort of guy who always buys the drinks for the other(s). Many of those are not liked for who they are but rather how many crates or 750 milliliter bottles they bring to the table.  Perhaps we are in the last days in which Paul in his second letter to Timothy prophesied. “People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money…”(2 Timothy 3:2). I was focusing on the loving money part.

I will switch it back to the issue of male-female relations. Last year I found myself chatting with someone who wanted to know if I was dating yet. When I gave a negative answer he gave me a concerned face. Upon probing, he told me that moving on all the girls that were going to fall into my circle would be doing it because of my status and not really for who I am. While I thought he had a point, I also realized that this was a very hasty generalization. While some may fall for the cane chairs and GOTV that I have on my living room, some would date me because I am the Richie of Richie Online and nothing else. At the end of the day, I should acknowledge to say that it is hard to pick out who is who, but it is unreasonable to give up love just because you are not sure that people are coming for your wallet.

This article will not be complete if I do not talk of the people called blessers. This is a loose term that is being used to describe someone who has offered monetary gifts or assistance but in its true sense it means that person (mostly pot-bellied man or VW driver) who gives money in exchange for sexual favors. Here are two or three scenarios. Have you ever seen that young lady who gets a meagre pay but still always manages to get the best Brazillian hair, nails and make-up. Well. In case you think that this is a bad sterotype, I understand that there are many women and girls who are independent but for some, there usually is a blesser who is involved and usually it is some old man who is looking for a young lady. Do not be fooled, however, to think that being a blesser is restricted to the 50-year-old millionaire. Some of you, Richie Online readers are blessers. Ever wondered how these students in the hostels are surviving town? There are students from Poly Management, BIU, MIT and many other colleges who reside around Chitawira, Naperi and Zingwangwa. We meet them in the clubs and they tell us they are just having fun. We exchange numbers and soon they come running to us with that “I need a favor” signature call. We help but soon things escalate and we end up jumping in bed with them. That is the next generation of blessers. Young people who are just setting out in their careers are being trained to be blessers too and they seem to be doing it well.

There we are then. We are in the era of transactional romance and bromance.

Caspper Nyovest is in town and I am pretty sure about a third of the patrons’ tickets have been bought by blessers of some sort. That is the Age of Transactional romance and bromance where people will love each other not based on who they are but on what they have to offer.

Have a lovely weekend.