A Colonized Mind

by the Venomous Hope

Not all Fridays that a blog's landlord asks for the week's guest scribe, so it's another opportunity to go near the expected touchstone set  by the esteemed comrade healer. Have to admit I don't remember my last sermon on this page, but when I wake up every morning, I am haunted by the same question posed by a brother of Goliath in my very first interview.  With time I gathered that in Malawi you need to normally have at least 6 interviews just to master the nerves and make the panel laugh from your memorized broken  English joke. "I understand you're aware that the job market is worse than Gehena young man," the giant's rehersed sentence was thrown with a suppressed smirk as he continued, "So tell us if you are the best candidate for this demanding job." Peering across the table there was a copy of my half paged CV that proudly stated I never attended Scom, was  nearly single, and that I had recently survived five torturous years at 'the College that God loved most' (well 5 if you add the Mukhitho extravaganza). I had applied for this job just to test waters since they had stated in their advert that those with Masters will have an added advantage. I only had the voters ID instead and I wasn't expecting a call-up to the team; so I baked a CV  whose details were all chucked into a bin immediately after that interview. My lips stammered something like; "I am the best because I have proved throughout my life that I can last the marathon and cross the line." The fat lady on the left of the beast chuckled loudly and simply said, "YouTube..." But the giant looked unimpressed and then he said, "But crossing the line doesn't mean you have won, there maybe others already who have come through, and young man, you skipped the notes where Jean-Paul Sartre used that phrase when he was talking about Existentialism..." I knew from that moment it had been a sightseeing tour of the Capital City. When I was collecting my bus fare from the secretary (perhaps the most beautiful woman I had ever seen....on that day), I bumped into the giant again who gave me some tips for good mannerisms when facing the panel which he said you have to regurgitate your strengths and don't try to copy from the net. His patting words were like Malawians we try too hard to impress in the standards of other people.

One Dalitso Sailesi was cornered by an attractive female Tv reporter in a web of syllables crafted from the Queen's lingua franca. The diminutive winger had hugely impressed in a game the Flames  could not break down stubborn Islanders that only make up the numbers in any competition. The team, however, did not disappoint in areas it usually excels, mediocre preparations. We saw overlarge jerseys (amagulira achina Walter Nyamilandu) that you would assume the whole team was celebrating Eid, and makabudula nawo, one player entering the fray midway in the second half had to bend the waistband twice for it to fit the lean body pampered by soya pieces and midori. This young lad from Nyasa Bullets, however, was the only positive from the Cosafa campaign as the national team failed to find the net even accidentally. Pundits aggreed he was standout  in a drab encounter against Mauritius. Accepting the man of the match award and an equivalent K100 000 token, far more than bank tellers get after toiling on a chair for a month, Sailesi committed a sin in the eyes of many for answering an English question in vernacular ataona atha kungozilumapo. While the crowd especially on social media tried to defend him, a mammoth others, especially those who copy and paste ma quotes achingerezi pama post awo and take credit, jeered for his so-called 'moment of weakness'. Not long ago, Gabadinho Mhango became infamous  for his unique skill of managing to "eat a bike" during the now defunct JC exams. Gaba's career success was almost thrown into the wilderness because of a piece of paper that no one today cares. He dusted himself and his on-pitch exploits propelled him to Joni where he has gone on to achieve things that many of us will only dream. Instead of giving the likes of Sailesi the credit, we vilify them with trivial things that are unrelated to their efforts on the ground. The same can be said of our current parliament budgetary sitting where political stump  Davis Katsonga was sent home for putting a Ngoni headgear.  Meanwhile, UK Parliament has just ruled that male EmuPs are under no obligation to wear mataye.  Malawi parrot excellently  colonial traditions,  language, political and economic systems, and even ma bridal shower, but we don't copy their commitment to make those things succeed. We care alot for the mistakes others make which really do not make them less successful. Obviously one of the reasons why Nyasaland has remained a backward country is because we imitate the standards of the West when in fact the only thing we have in common with the West is that we share a same species, homo sapiens.

And there was a debate about what is relevant for our ejukweshoni curriculum. In a lecture at Oxford University attended by largely the president's entourage, the professor  pointed out that Africa should restructure it's education system and remove elements that make us worship mzungu. The Big Kahuna warned that if Malawi keep on teaching parts of grasshoppers to pupils in standard 7B we will keep begging from the West mpaka ku Janna. I'm not buying the idea of stopping teaching parts of grasshoppers, but there is some iota of truth in the written speech, we need to prioritize education areas that are vital for the economy especially at tertiary level. Apa sindikunena zolimbikitsa makoleji ophunzitsa kusoka nsapato zomwe a DziPPani anaika mu manifesto yawo, but real stuff like engineering, Agriculture, Business, ICT should get precedent over some liberal arts like Classics, Theology, and Languages. The few jobs the country creates per year are not suitable for the caliber of graduates the country produces. We copied a wrong curriculum. A recent study by Cambridge revealed that Malawi, Zambia and Zimbabwe are leading countries in the world whose education strive on memorization. Mwana akaloweza periodic table timati ndimzwanya. We joking too much in this republic. Those viewed as intelligent just regurgitate ma theory and are showered with praises. 90% of questions during exams be it at primary schools or college are do not demand one's application of learned knowledge, rather they focus on how much the student has grasped the concepts. Only at training schools, like CoM do the syllabus depart from memorization. It's high time we get beyond the surface and learn to apply the knowledge to ameliorate numerous problems the country is facing.

Now I shouldn't make this more boring by prolonging same ideas. We need a comprehensive approach if we can rid ourselves of the mentality of acting "British" when we are bonafide members of Jenda community. Solutions are there for the taking, countries like China, Rwanda, and Kenya have progressed because they instilled a sense of identity that catapults their traditions as paramount over foreign things. The likes of Sailesi have shown that life's journey is about embracing your strengths. We are still colonized in the mind, pafunika anointed water. A Khumbo Kachali ayambitsa kachipani kawo tizawapangira tsiku lawo..Mhu

Enjoy the weekend folks

Macheza

Last week I spent some time and thoughts drafting a serious article highlighting some of the issues surrounding road safety and possible ways forward. Today I find myself surrounded by workmates who are so worried about how they will get home in line with the minibus strike and demonstrations; which ironically have been "birthed" by the passing of legislation that's supposedly aimed at making our public transport system safer.... or more comfortable, really. I won't fall into the snare of giving you another article on such. I would rather write about Eid and how I plan to put on a Muslim attire to join the celebrations. That would, on the other hand be too serious an article so I will loosen a bit and go social.

We are starting the weekend and  people have lined up a number of activities with which to drown the sorrows of the weekdays. As I am writing, I know guys are already in "watering spots" and ladies are ironing leggings ready to get to have some weekend fun. Personally, I look forward to weekends too and it is for the reason that they give me an opportunity to interact with friends, basing on the premise that my job keeps me at Queen Elizabeth Central Hospital from 7:30 to around 17:30 on a daily basis during the week, which entails I don't have time for actual friends (apart from the boring likes of Maxwell Abraham Ayaya Yohane who I constantly bump into in hospital corridors). Weekends simply equals more texting time and some time for physical chats.

Some of you may wonder why social interaction has that much of a high regard to me. Well.  If you are wondering, then I guess you are one of the things that's wrong with the human race nowadays. I once drafting an article about friendship and I think I mentioned that one of the important elements of a friendship is interaction; chatting. It is sad, however that basic as it may seem, there are some people who simply do not know how to chat. If you think I am exaggerating, just keep reading.

I know that some are itching to know what objective measure I used to pass judgement on people that have been declared as those who do not know how to chat. Well. Here we go.

The first basic thing about a chat is that it needs to be a bilateral thing. Whenever there are two or more people everyone has to chip in. There are some who just sit on the receiving end of the chat and expel the other human to do all the talking. That is the first crime against humanity when it comes to the social circles. Ndiye kuli enanu oti you don't give proper comments when in a conversation. When asked for or about something all you do is say yes or no with at most 6 accompanying words when the other person probes. Social animals like humans are not supposed to act like that. In fact no chat is supposed to sound or feel like an interrogation. Some of you might have been doing this without knowing but be informed that it is wrong and intolerable by all means.

The second thing that we all need to pay attention to when it comes to a chat is the content of the chat. This is very important and this is where people need to learn to be flexible and adapt to the audience. We have to understand that there is a time for talking about work and a time for talking about football. There is a time for preaching and there is a time for talking politics. Those are things that shouldn't be mixed and they have their own unique settings. Of note is that there are also different fora for doing such and ectopic topics shouldn't be brought in fora that aren't meant for such. The best example I can give is that of Whatsapp. For some reason whoever made the app decided that people of particular interests should have the opportunity to interact in groups. Ideally the groups are supposed to be about some specific thing but what we have observed lately is that workplace groups get flooded with football messages and class groups end up getting awash with sermons. Church groups have at some point ended up getting a fair share ofsex scandals in graphic form. Away from the social media, there are some people who simply don't know what to say when they are around people. You might have been around those who want to talk about alcohol when the rest of the people are non-drinkers or those that always want to bring up issues of religion when the rest want to talk about Game of Thrones or Spartacus. And then there are overzealous football fans and those who are in troubled relationships. Gentlemen and ladies, we need to scrutinize the situation and look at the mood of the people around before throwing in some unpalatable and unrelated content into a chat. We also need to watch ourselves with language and content of the chat when there are people who do not understand whatever we are talking about. Inu madokotala, speaking "MBBS" when there are other people outside the profession is just rude beyond measure. The same message should go to my friends from Nyika Republic. Speaking Tumbuka when there is a Chewa who has no idea as to what you are discussing is all about (when you have the alternative of a neutral language) is simply a non-starter. Awo inali example. To whoever the cap fits, wear it.

Away from the mentioned issues, we all need to learn that not everyone can be our friend and chat buddy. There will be people we will desire to be our friends for one reason or the other but the feeling may not always be mutual. Let's not force friendships and machete. Closely related to that is the fact that we need to accept that people may not always be available for a chat for reasons ranging from not wanting through bad emotions to being busy. We don't have to put people under some unnecessary pressure to respond to our texts in specific time frames or give us time just because we want to. Ndi kucheza uku and it works better when the need or want is mutual.

Having covered the basics, it's also important to talk about chats between males and females. These ones keep getting complicated and catching feelings by the day. The first thing I should point out is that not every chat with a person of the opposite sex should progress to bed as it ends up in many cases. Chonde! In line with the point that has already been highlighted, not everyone can end up being our spouse. Let's learn to accept that.

Those of you that are in relationships, chatting is an important element of the relationship. Someone once advised me (and all of you fellas in relationships should get this) that chatting with my spouse should be the dominant activity in all my relationships in the buildup to marriage. He pointed out that that the other (intimate) things should not take the center stage as they orchestrate  breakups (mukakwanana) and divorces (by a mechanism that is too long to be mentioned). All in all, you might have heard this thing that it's good for spouses to be best friends. What they meant is that people need to relate and be able to chat as spouses before they can begin to "chat" on an intimate level... lest they be reduced to friends with benefits.

Having said all this, I would expect people from the Richie Online community to behave well around other people and to chat well. Macheza ndi abwino and chats have to be enjoyed. That, however, does not mean we should be loose about this whole chatting thing. We need to put in a bit of effort and awareness for us and people around us to enjoy.

Woza Friday.

Ndapita kocheza.

One for the Roads

Article of the week. Coming to you on a Saturday and nit a Friday for no important reason.

Without wasting time with useless openers, I would like to share my thoughts on the situation on the roads in Malawi. You are right to think that this post was triggered by the major accidents that claimed a lot of lives last weekend. While that might be the case, the whole thing has just hammered a number of facts into memory.

The first of these is that of my current allocation as a Medical Doctor intern at Queen Elizabeth Central Hospital. I am currently working in the Department of Orthopedics and statistically over 90 percent of the patients present with fractures and most of them are sustained in road traffic accidents. The combination of the two have reminded me of how I made a presentation on the topic of road safety and levels of prevention of casualties in road accidents. While I can't remember much of the content, I do remember that part of it emphasized on the need for primary, secondary and tertiary prevention; concepts I will later relate to the current situation on the roads.

Most of the roads between and within our cities are not in good condition and they continually pose as threats to those travelling on them. In as much as there have been some maintenance work on our roads, the most notable of which was the Blantyre-Zomba road, efforts elsewhere have been below satisfactory. Allow me to not comment on the black paint people are smearing on the roads in area 24 in the name of putting up tarmac. The main point is that the potholes, lack of road signs, lack of rumble surfaces and other speed breakers and every other thing you know are putting lives of people at risk.

Next to the condition of the roads is the condition of the things that travel on the roads. A good proportion of the vehicles that are on our roads are not what you would call road worthy. One could also comment on the condition of the drivers as we still have this syndrome of drunk driving and people driving without valid driver's licenses.

The safety of the roads and vehicles aims at the prevention of the occurrence of accidents and thus falls in the category of primary prevention. It doesn't take a genius to know that we are lacking when it comes to enforcing the standards on this one. Without bothering with the mechanisms, I should point out that the rampant corruption that we have is leaving our roads in a bad state and leaving vehicles and drivers that are not road worthy on our roads. I could relate this to an accident or two. While I am pointing a blaming finger on those who are supposed to enforce such, I must also say that all of us have a role to play in taking care of ourselves in as far as road travel is concerned. We have a responsibility of taking care of our roads (probably by leaving the signs on them alone, perhaps). We probably don't have Richie Online people who intentionally damage signs or anything on the roads. What we have are people who have cars and the potential to buy cars in the next few years. Word to you is that you should buy the best of cars and make sure that you have the necessary qualifications for driving.

The next levels of prevention have something to do with what happens when we have failed to prevent an accident. This is something to do with the medical response aimed at preventing loss of life and later loss of function in people involved in accidents. I would not say that we are doing that badly, but at the end of the day, there is lot of improving that we could do.

To begin with, the concentration of hospitals with the capacity to respond to road traffic accidents is not that good. When an accident happened at Manjawira, for example, people were rushed to Balaka. For the love of everything good, there should have been some place nearer for the people to go. It might have been a different case for the Magalasi accident, with Queens being around the corner.On the other side of it, however, Queens is supposed to be a referral hospital and it shouldn't have been involved in the dressing of wounds and the sorting of the minor injuries everyone else presented with. Some of you may not understand this but this is where certain groupings would begin to ask as to why no one has ever talked of something like Blantyre District Hospital or something similar in Zomba. Ultimately, even if we had the district hospital in Ndirande, some patients would have ended up at Queens but the load would not have been that overwhelming. This is all probably too technical and unnecessary, but at the end of the day the point that we need good hospitals with adequate emergency response services still stands.

Prevention of loss of function is also another important factor. We probably need more specialists and donations for that. Better not talk about it.

Away from the technical issues of safety, there is something wrong with the way messages about these accidents are thrown around. The moment an accident happens we all get to have a set of 13 pictures from the scene in our Whatsapp groups from church, work, former school, drinking group and every other group. There is probably nothing wrong with that but some of the picture tend to be too informative. Know what people do? Throw around pictures of headless bodies without any remorse at all. I wonder if people even think of the dignity of those who lose their lives in that nature before sharing. I personally wouldn't want my pictures plastered all over every Whatsapp group if I got involved in an accident and ended up seriously injured or dead. It's simply immoral and on top of that people do get disturbed with such images. I am sure we have people on Richie Online who go around throwing such images. That's a bad habit and it has to stop. NOW!

Signing off...

Someone defined an accident as some unforseen and undesirable event. While that might be the case, there have been some accidents that have been orchestrated by human carelessness. That being the case, we all need to take part in the active prevention of accidents in a bid to complement the efforts that are already there to curb loss of life due to accidents. Pamseu sipofera.

Of Malawians and their Noise

This is one wonderful Friday and it had to be punctuated with an article unlike the last one. Za last week zatha.

This week has been so full of unusual happenings and current affairs have been so much so that even I could not help but notice that it's been a noisy week. There is so much that happened in Parliament, at Mount Soche and in the Sports circles.

Let's start with what matters. Parliament has been in session and one of the highlights of the week was that of Kamlepo. I didn't watch the whole thing either live or on the repeat broadcast, but I am told he talked of how the Police lied to the public about his whole abduction saga and how people have been spying on him through one Diktator. There was also the wrangle between the same Rumphi whatever legislator with one Henry Mussa (provoked by the latter, of course). I would say that parliament is an expected source of drama and that I am not surprised that things happened that way. On the other hand, the whole noise this issue has created and the noise Kamlepo is making on the whole issue sounds unwarranted to me. We can't have issues of (self-?) staged abductions of some opposition politicians making headlines. The government mercenaries I know just kill you, whenever you are being a pain in their bottom. They don't kidnap you and leave you nicely dressed at some roundabout in town. I might be wrong on the premise, but I don't think this was a parliament worthy discussion.

Back in the commercial capital we had the the issue of the Public Affairs Committee meeting. Well. That thing generated some hype. My impression of the whole thing was that people were going to discuss matters of national relevance and come up with a strategic plan on how to resuscitate this ailing nation. The ruling party thought it was about something as serious as calling for the head of the state and inciting impeachment and all. Result? Sects of the society were expectant and the DPP was threatened. The ruling party was so tensed up to the extent that they called for a press briefing to do some firefighting. In the press briefing they clearly said that they would attend the meeting despite not being invited. All that was interesting. Even more interesting is the fact that people invited educationists and one Wazamazama Katatu of Mzuni to come and criticize the government's inaction on the poor standards of education and college closures. To keep it short, there was a lot that was said at the meeting. Outcomes of the meeting? Well. They are as you would expect. They didn't go beyond recommendations. They are the same things we already knew and haven't been applying all along because of our stupidity and our leaders' greed. My point? There was nothing new there. What was done there was just shining a spotlight on problems we already know without providing any solutions. In Richie Online vocabulary, that is noise.

On to the next one...

This of you who follow relevant stuff know that HE left the country with yet again a lot of noise. The destination was Brussels, I guess because I heard a mention of the EU and its meeting of some sort. Yeah. To meet the infamous donors. In case you forgot we are still in an era where the government's abilities are rated by how much of trust donors have regained in the government machinery. As Malawians, our response to the Belgium visit was positive to neutral. The outcry, however, came when we heard the leader was making a stop in Oxford University to address students there. Some called for a petition to stop the leader from speaking there as he has done very little if anything  to improve the situation of the public universities for whom he is Chancellor. Makes sense, right? Somehow. At the end of the day I am still wondering as to what effect a viral Whatsapp message could have on the president's program. Assuming that the petition actually works and HE gets barred from addressing a number of yearos and associate finales, I am still left with the question as to what effect that could have on our public universities.

One namesake of mine posted some outcries of the common Malawian who seems to always be complaining about energy, food security, poor education standards, lack of basic health services and everything else. He finished by saying that Malawians will be offered a chance to change that come 2019. I was quick to point out that it's not that simple as people might opt for the easier option of re-election the current regime and complaining for the other 5 years. Better the devil you know, right? My response ignited yet another debate and we ended up concluding that even when we talk of regime change, we hardly have someone (or no team of people) that has what it takes to fix this nation in our frontline politics. The people who are good at these things have chosen to stay in the background and complain about the ignoramuses running things but before you blame them, remember that you are allergic to voting for someone who hasn't been through the UDF group of parties. All we will remain with is noise and complaining and nothing will change.

Back to our own lives, there are a lot of things we complain of without doing anything about, when we can actually move a thing or two to fix them. Apparently you just spent some minutes reading an article that's shining a spotlight on problems without highlighting clear solutions to the problems. At the end of the day, the article is just another noisy piece.

Still better than no article, right?

Have a wonderful weekend.