A Colonized Mind

by the Venomous Hope

Not all Fridays that a blog's landlord asks for the week's guest scribe, so it's another opportunity to go near the expected touchstone set  by the esteemed comrade healer. Have to admit I don't remember my last sermon on this page, but when I wake up every morning, I am haunted by the same question posed by a brother of Goliath in my very first interview.  With time I gathered that in Malawi you need to normally have at least 6 interviews just to master the nerves and make the panel laugh from your memorized broken  English joke. "I understand you're aware that the job market is worse than Gehena young man," the giant's rehersed sentence was thrown with a suppressed smirk as he continued, "So tell us if you are the best candidate for this demanding job." Peering across the table there was a copy of my half paged CV that proudly stated I never attended Scom, was  nearly single, and that I had recently survived five torturous years at 'the College that God loved most' (well 5 if you add the Mukhitho extravaganza). I had applied for this job just to test waters since they had stated in their advert that those with Masters will have an added advantage. I only had the voters ID instead and I wasn't expecting a call-up to the team; so I baked a CV  whose details were all chucked into a bin immediately after that interview. My lips stammered something like; "I am the best because I have proved throughout my life that I can last the marathon and cross the line." The fat lady on the left of the beast chuckled loudly and simply said, "YouTube..." But the giant looked unimpressed and then he said, "But crossing the line doesn't mean you have won, there maybe others already who have come through, and young man, you skipped the notes where Jean-Paul Sartre used that phrase when he was talking about Existentialism..." I knew from that moment it had been a sightseeing tour of the Capital City. When I was collecting my bus fare from the secretary (perhaps the most beautiful woman I had ever seen....on that day), I bumped into the giant again who gave me some tips for good mannerisms when facing the panel which he said you have to regurgitate your strengths and don't try to copy from the net. His patting words were like Malawians we try too hard to impress in the standards of other people.

One Dalitso Sailesi was cornered by an attractive female Tv reporter in a web of syllables crafted from the Queen's lingua franca. The diminutive winger had hugely impressed in a game the Flames  could not break down stubborn Islanders that only make up the numbers in any competition. The team, however, did not disappoint in areas it usually excels, mediocre preparations. We saw overlarge jerseys (amagulira achina Walter Nyamilandu) that you would assume the whole team was celebrating Eid, and makabudula nawo, one player entering the fray midway in the second half had to bend the waistband twice for it to fit the lean body pampered by soya pieces and midori. This young lad from Nyasa Bullets, however, was the only positive from the Cosafa campaign as the national team failed to find the net even accidentally. Pundits aggreed he was standout  in a drab encounter against Mauritius. Accepting the man of the match award and an equivalent K100 000 token, far more than bank tellers get after toiling on a chair for a month, Sailesi committed a sin in the eyes of many for answering an English question in vernacular ataona atha kungozilumapo. While the crowd especially on social media tried to defend him, a mammoth others, especially those who copy and paste ma quotes achingerezi pama post awo and take credit, jeered for his so-called 'moment of weakness'. Not long ago, Gabadinho Mhango became infamous  for his unique skill of managing to "eat a bike" during the now defunct JC exams. Gaba's career success was almost thrown into the wilderness because of a piece of paper that no one today cares. He dusted himself and his on-pitch exploits propelled him to Joni where he has gone on to achieve things that many of us will only dream. Instead of giving the likes of Sailesi the credit, we vilify them with trivial things that are unrelated to their efforts on the ground. The same can be said of our current parliament budgetary sitting where political stump  Davis Katsonga was sent home for putting a Ngoni headgear.  Meanwhile, UK Parliament has just ruled that male EmuPs are under no obligation to wear mataye.  Malawi parrot excellently  colonial traditions,  language, political and economic systems, and even ma bridal shower, but we don't copy their commitment to make those things succeed. We care alot for the mistakes others make which really do not make them less successful. Obviously one of the reasons why Nyasaland has remained a backward country is because we imitate the standards of the West when in fact the only thing we have in common with the West is that we share a same species, homo sapiens.

And there was a debate about what is relevant for our ejukweshoni curriculum. In a lecture at Oxford University attended by largely the president's entourage, the professor  pointed out that Africa should restructure it's education system and remove elements that make us worship mzungu. The Big Kahuna warned that if Malawi keep on teaching parts of grasshoppers to pupils in standard 7B we will keep begging from the West mpaka ku Janna. I'm not buying the idea of stopping teaching parts of grasshoppers, but there is some iota of truth in the written speech, we need to prioritize education areas that are vital for the economy especially at tertiary level. Apa sindikunena zolimbikitsa makoleji ophunzitsa kusoka nsapato zomwe a DziPPani anaika mu manifesto yawo, but real stuff like engineering, Agriculture, Business, ICT should get precedent over some liberal arts like Classics, Theology, and Languages. The few jobs the country creates per year are not suitable for the caliber of graduates the country produces. We copied a wrong curriculum. A recent study by Cambridge revealed that Malawi, Zambia and Zimbabwe are leading countries in the world whose education strive on memorization. Mwana akaloweza periodic table timati ndimzwanya. We joking too much in this republic. Those viewed as intelligent just regurgitate ma theory and are showered with praises. 90% of questions during exams be it at primary schools or college are do not demand one's application of learned knowledge, rather they focus on how much the student has grasped the concepts. Only at training schools, like CoM do the syllabus depart from memorization. It's high time we get beyond the surface and learn to apply the knowledge to ameliorate numerous problems the country is facing.

Now I shouldn't make this more boring by prolonging same ideas. We need a comprehensive approach if we can rid ourselves of the mentality of acting "British" when we are bonafide members of Jenda community. Solutions are there for the taking, countries like China, Rwanda, and Kenya have progressed because they instilled a sense of identity that catapults their traditions as paramount over foreign things. The likes of Sailesi have shown that life's journey is about embracing your strengths. We are still colonized in the mind, pafunika anointed water. A Khumbo Kachali ayambitsa kachipani kawo tizawapangira tsiku lawo..Mhu

Enjoy the weekend folks