Macheza

Last week I spent some time and thoughts drafting a serious article highlighting some of the issues surrounding road safety and possible ways forward. Today I find myself surrounded by workmates who are so worried about how they will get home in line with the minibus strike and demonstrations; which ironically have been "birthed" by the passing of legislation that's supposedly aimed at making our public transport system safer.... or more comfortable, really. I won't fall into the snare of giving you another article on such. I would rather write about Eid and how I plan to put on a Muslim attire to join the celebrations. That would, on the other hand be too serious an article so I will loosen a bit and go social.

We are starting the weekend and  people have lined up a number of activities with which to drown the sorrows of the weekdays. As I am writing, I know guys are already in "watering spots" and ladies are ironing leggings ready to get to have some weekend fun. Personally, I look forward to weekends too and it is for the reason that they give me an opportunity to interact with friends, basing on the premise that my job keeps me at Queen Elizabeth Central Hospital from 7:30 to around 17:30 on a daily basis during the week, which entails I don't have time for actual friends (apart from the boring likes of Maxwell Abraham Ayaya Yohane who I constantly bump into in hospital corridors). Weekends simply equals more texting time and some time for physical chats.

Some of you may wonder why social interaction has that much of a high regard to me. Well.  If you are wondering, then I guess you are one of the things that's wrong with the human race nowadays. I once drafting an article about friendship and I think I mentioned that one of the important elements of a friendship is interaction; chatting. It is sad, however that basic as it may seem, there are some people who simply do not know how to chat. If you think I am exaggerating, just keep reading.

I know that some are itching to know what objective measure I used to pass judgement on people that have been declared as those who do not know how to chat. Well. Here we go.

The first basic thing about a chat is that it needs to be a bilateral thing. Whenever there are two or more people everyone has to chip in. There are some who just sit on the receiving end of the chat and expel the other human to do all the talking. That is the first crime against humanity when it comes to the social circles. Ndiye kuli enanu oti you don't give proper comments when in a conversation. When asked for or about something all you do is say yes or no with at most 6 accompanying words when the other person probes. Social animals like humans are not supposed to act like that. In fact no chat is supposed to sound or feel like an interrogation. Some of you might have been doing this without knowing but be informed that it is wrong and intolerable by all means.

The second thing that we all need to pay attention to when it comes to a chat is the content of the chat. This is very important and this is where people need to learn to be flexible and adapt to the audience. We have to understand that there is a time for talking about work and a time for talking about football. There is a time for preaching and there is a time for talking politics. Those are things that shouldn't be mixed and they have their own unique settings. Of note is that there are also different fora for doing such and ectopic topics shouldn't be brought in fora that aren't meant for such. The best example I can give is that of Whatsapp. For some reason whoever made the app decided that people of particular interests should have the opportunity to interact in groups. Ideally the groups are supposed to be about some specific thing but what we have observed lately is that workplace groups get flooded with football messages and class groups end up getting awash with sermons. Church groups have at some point ended up getting a fair share ofsex scandals in graphic form. Away from the social media, there are some people who simply don't know what to say when they are around people. You might have been around those who want to talk about alcohol when the rest of the people are non-drinkers or those that always want to bring up issues of religion when the rest want to talk about Game of Thrones or Spartacus. And then there are overzealous football fans and those who are in troubled relationships. Gentlemen and ladies, we need to scrutinize the situation and look at the mood of the people around before throwing in some unpalatable and unrelated content into a chat. We also need to watch ourselves with language and content of the chat when there are people who do not understand whatever we are talking about. Inu madokotala, speaking "MBBS" when there are other people outside the profession is just rude beyond measure. The same message should go to my friends from Nyika Republic. Speaking Tumbuka when there is a Chewa who has no idea as to what you are discussing is all about (when you have the alternative of a neutral language) is simply a non-starter. Awo inali example. To whoever the cap fits, wear it.

Away from the mentioned issues, we all need to learn that not everyone can be our friend and chat buddy. There will be people we will desire to be our friends for one reason or the other but the feeling may not always be mutual. Let's not force friendships and machete. Closely related to that is the fact that we need to accept that people may not always be available for a chat for reasons ranging from not wanting through bad emotions to being busy. We don't have to put people under some unnecessary pressure to respond to our texts in specific time frames or give us time just because we want to. Ndi kucheza uku and it works better when the need or want is mutual.

Having covered the basics, it's also important to talk about chats between males and females. These ones keep getting complicated and catching feelings by the day. The first thing I should point out is that not every chat with a person of the opposite sex should progress to bed as it ends up in many cases. Chonde! In line with the point that has already been highlighted, not everyone can end up being our spouse. Let's learn to accept that.

Those of you that are in relationships, chatting is an important element of the relationship. Someone once advised me (and all of you fellas in relationships should get this) that chatting with my spouse should be the dominant activity in all my relationships in the buildup to marriage. He pointed out that that the other (intimate) things should not take the center stage as they orchestrate  breakups (mukakwanana) and divorces (by a mechanism that is too long to be mentioned). All in all, you might have heard this thing that it's good for spouses to be best friends. What they meant is that people need to relate and be able to chat as spouses before they can begin to "chat" on an intimate level... lest they be reduced to friends with benefits.

Having said all this, I would expect people from the Richie Online community to behave well around other people and to chat well. Macheza ndi abwino and chats have to be enjoyed. That, however, does not mean we should be loose about this whole chatting thing. We need to put in a bit of effort and awareness for us and people around us to enjoy.

Woza Friday.

Ndapita kocheza.