Vampire Republic

by the Venomous Hope

I owe one bottle to the  proprietor for giving me another bite of his blog so that I can write again, perhaps more today as it is Friday the 13th, some 24 hours that are historically considered to contain mishaps. There's some mendacious history that this infamous day became reverent due to the fact that there were 13 people during Jesus's Last Supper on the 13th of the month of Nissan. The subsequent crucifixion of Christ a day later added some superstitious ingredients to this unusual Friday, and just as well did the death of some talent-stunted Italian music composer on Friday the 13th in the 1800s. Well, its folly to adhere to a silly rumor that misfortunes are bound to hit on you today just for the nature of the day, and more folly are the rumors circulating in the Lomwe districts of Mulanje, Phalombe and Chiradzulu and in some parts of the country,  about fabled blood suckers. These rumors have led to the mob killing of at least 7 people who are believed to have been loitering around the villages like hungry owls of Somalia with a thirst that can only be quenched by blood.

Mob justice has always been considered as an injustice because emotions rather than reason play a huge part in the adjudication, and for the fact that the punishment meted out is usually  not proportional to the misdemeanor committed. Perhaps, the departed former president Bingu 'wa' Mutharika was right to say that we have a devil firmly sitting on our backs, translated- 'Satana anatikhalira pa nsana.' For those who have memorized the scriptures, there's a passage in John 8 about a woman caught in adultery and they (leaders of the law, pharisees, Saducees, the mob, and mahopu) brought her to Jesus to seek his opinion. The mob was about to exploit their prejudices and stone her to death in accordance with their archaic laws instituted centuries before.  Nevertheless,  Jesus quelled the situation by asking the crowd to examine their moral inequities before anyone can cast the first stone. Now this is an important element that has to always be in the back of our mind before forcing someone to kick the bucket. The element of self-examination especially about whether we are fit to cast the first stone can help us go back to the normal levels of justice and fairness, more especially when making decisions about someone's life. Its amazing how a few misguided individuals can take the law into their hands on the basis of unfounded rumors, pure evil people. Malawi has always been a 'god' fearing nation... a country built on the foundations of taboos can never thrive, I quote myself.

Not that anyone has cared to do an "AfroBarometer" on the number of Churches this country has, but surely there must be more Churches in a square mile than there's a borehole or Sukulu ya Mkaka. We claim to be a gods fearing nation to the extent that we spend a good chunk of our time doing incantations,  meditations, fasting, intersessions, dawas, and pilgrimages. Only in cash strapped countries like Malawi that the need for men of gods is as invaluable as our need for drinking water. It has now become impossible to go on with life without consulting these men in collars and strange silky gowns; as a nation we don't have any other hope of getting out of dire poverty than wait with open arms for the elusive miracles. Religion indeed has become an opium for our eternal problems.  Uganda's President, himself  doesn't know the date he was baptized, has urged his subjects, whom he is about to rule forever, to curb on the time they spent swimming in spirituality and use this time for more productive things so that they develop themselves and their country. "We lax too much," he is quoted, "and for any funeral, a week of doing nothing follow."  Maybe, we are blessed with the sprouting of technologically savvy prophets, Apostles, Pastors, evangelists,  Reverend Cardinals, and even fake Popes and Ana a Zeruah. Interest in religion and receiving miracles nowadays is just at the tip of one's Tv remote and cellphones that don't go beyond freebasics webpage. Every monger who can regurgitate a few verses and had once dreamt sitting on the verandah of a mosque will suddenly bellow on top of their voices that they are real men of gods and can interpret the Bible just as well help lost souls to get past the formidable St Peter on the gate of paradise when the Armageddon will arrive. We live and breath religion and spirituality, we crave for the fulfilling life and to being embarrassed with Godly blessings. But we still believe vampires still exist and they roam in our muddy streets.

There's a reason we mix fetishism with religion; it is  dire ignorance. High levels of illiteracy for Malawi are alarmingly embarrassing for a country that has been independent for more than half a century. No wonder we are near the bottom of every notable index about human and social wellbeing. Nowhere but in Malawi  in 2017 people will lock themselves after seeing a police car for fear they are coming to suck the tainted solution with cells that give us BP.

The response from the government has been very appalling. During a useless decade under Atcheya, these same Lomwe districts, and especially Chiradzulu, became notorious for news about body mutilations such that one could think it was a fertile land for these private raw materials. A number of women were found dead and people were afraid to go out even to gulp  the usual pot of kachasu. The rumors escalated because the government had been silent at that point until when the president decreed that he will personally behead those responsible for these horrific homicides. No one was caught but the killings mysteriously discontinued, perhaps the market had closed by then as well. The Chiradzulu deaths are not similar to the mob justice on suspected blood suckers but notoriety is the same, just as well the muted response so far hasn't worked. The president should have taken immediate responsibility upon arrival from his otiose New York trip and not empty tantrums with political connotations we have heard from his lieutenants. The Big Kahuna has left it very late to make a visit to that part of Malawi when the rumors have gone beyond myths and people have lost lives. To cut the chase, I find the blood sucking fiasco as baseless and perhaps it's  a diversion tactics from the ruling party to mask real issues like blackouts, unemployment, and other things on a long list of Malawi's beging bowl. If that is the case, the propaganda goofed big time. As I have alluded above, the issue has escalated because of illiteracy. A whole village, for example, could gang up to stone an ambulance or chase a suit-wearing education supervisor, suspecting them as hiding some blood milking equipments. Very idiotic and utter ignorance. But one would ask, so the whole district including  Akweni Mayi Career-tea can be ignorant enough to bake up a story as dangerous as about vampires? Well,  a surgical look of the arguments leave gaps that feels like these blood suckers are more also using magic, sakugwidwa chifukwa akumasanduka mileme lol. Really, then why attack government officers doing their work. We will never know. The damage these few districts have done will be hard to repair. The NGOs that have withdrawn from these areas will think twice when coming back especially this year, and as a result development works will continue to stagnate. Perhaps we should allow the Lomwe belt to form their own government, after all His Excellency Mr Vincent Wandale is contemplating leading Mulanje and Thyolo to sovereignty. It's a vampire republic and it must be led by vampires.

I can't sign off without commenting on the recent publication of a research conducted by a western firm which has found, well nothing surprising, that the current President is very unpopular among Malawians (that's  why it is imperative for his cadres to ferry vendors all the way from Ndirande to political rallies in Lilongwe just to fill a football ground), and that the ruling DPP is heading to a sticky end in 2019. Among countless sins that Malawians (can be Chakwera who was interviewed) who responded to their questionnaires were that there's rampant corruption and theft at all levels of the government,  there's an element of nepotism especially in senior positions appointments (we shouldn't worry, 60% of Ministers will become citizens of MUST by 26 October and will be expected to resign), and lack of clear direction in driving the economy out of it's eternal abyss. Obviously, these are not new problems for anyone associated with our wretched country, Malawi is a failed country even dogs know bearing in mind they usually don't find food in our bins nowadays. Today, I accidentally tuned in to the popular Times Radio program which is also beamed on their TV, the Hot Current, and it is hosted by one time PP sympathiser Brian Banda and  it featured Times editor Kasakula and Minister of Misinformation Nicolas Dausi. The central argument was about whether DPP is indeed becoming something like a nasty name among the general public as per claims of the report, I wasted my time hearing  more of malafides and innuendos than real constructive arguments, anapindiranamo ma shati I  presume. Well, it's  a mystery that even those in government accept that there are deep problems but there's nothing being done about them. You will hear a minister praying for normal rains in December so that Nkula can resume power generation. 20 researches can be conducted and results will be the same, that we are in deep poverty than during the time of Akafula. We seem to like making noise and offering solutions that will never see the light of the day. Dausi blamed the opposition for not doing anything in their 31 years of government, as if he wasn't Kamuzu's personal bodyguard and loyalist. When you see the caliber of politicians in high positions, it doesn't offer any hope for an average member of the society because these are the same people who have been tried and then recycled while wearing something yellow, then reused again when they joined DPP. The president is an accomplished academician if we are to believe the inflated 40 paged CV he has but he is not a leader. Everyone knows how he managed the Chanco academic freedom saga when he was minister and when he was foreign affairs he looked sideways when some diplomat was sent parking for calling a spade by it's name. But some 39% chose him and we have to endure him. We expected the opposition to have been taking advantage DPP's failings by offering practical solutions. All you hear is noise and same old recipes that have failed before. Chakwera honestly has never said anything to quench our political thirst, he will only win because he is the lesser devil, he should bless his previous job. The political landscape needs new blood and we can accomplish that by changing the laws to accommodate more brighter new brooms. MCP's thinking is not so much different to that of the DPP that's why they roped in Sidik Mia and others. The azungu report will be the same in 2022, saying that MCP is becoming unpopular. All this is because  we entertain mediocrity and accept less than we deserve. It's  the same across the society, one day we will elect a 97 yeard old zombie as a president because we have only changed the phenotype while the DNA is still old MCP.

Have a great weekend folks!