Expectations

It is yet another wonderful Friday and once again we get to be treated with an article. It has been a fair week despite personal issues taking the better part of my happiness but I am grateful for some of the hurdles as they have allowed me to deviate from talking about political press conferences that were filled with obvious and overdue comments, the overfilled list of presidential aspirants, 180 kilometer long bridges in the lower Shire  and the picking of mothers as running mates. As you might have noted from the title, today I am sharing some insights about expectations.

You might be wondering as to why we are reflecting on expectations on a Friday such as this. The drive behind this article has been purely personal and I will share a bit about that.

When I visited my grandmother over the weekend due to the fact that she was not in the best of health conditions, I did not expect much of a personalized chat. However, barely five minutes into the chat she switched the topic from her health to how things are with me. This was done with a rather blunt question; Kodi wagula galimoto? Yeah. You read that right. Grandma asked if I a driving yet and she did it in a rather impatient tone. The question drove me back to the time when she was teaching me how to ride a bicycle. When she had taught me a couple of times and I was confident enough to ride on my own, she told me of how she had done me a favor by teaching me. She went on to tell me that she expected that later in life I would teach her how to drive my car in the same way she taught me how to ride her Humber. Turns out that I owe her a lot.

About an hour after that trip in the memory lane I found myself on a table with my uncle. As we were eating, he threw yet another Joker of a question at me. Kodi apongozi anga ndiakuti? Now, there were a number of things that were (and still are) wrong with this question, which was asking about where my non-existent spouse resides or comes from. The first wrong thing is that the question assumed that there is a lady roaming around bearing the Lady Richie title. Rather related to the first, the second issue was that the question overestimated my ability to have a lady and stay silent about it; without flaunting her to the masses.

The two big questions which were thrown at me in such a short space got me thinking about how much people expect of me. This was also coupled with the fact that the rest of the interactions I had with my family earlier that day had shown that despite the fact that I am still that young and I am not yet bamboo a ujeni my extended family now views me as an adult of sorts who needs to perform in line with certain standards.

Talking of the questions on getting a car and a spouse, this was not the first time that those questions came across. I am constantly battered with a heavy barrage of questions of why I am not yet dating and when I am getting to it. The moment I picked up a job at my current workplace, people started jumping with joy saying that it was time for me to get wheels. My father, who I had a good chat with on Christmas day also reminded me that it was time to start travelling comfortably. At my workplace, a few colleagues have at some point laughed at me owing to the fact that ndimayenda wapansi ngati chiweto mtauni muno. What that tells me is that to many, having a car is one of the minimum things that are expected of me.

In the next couple of days, I found myself reflecting on expectations. Growing up, I have always set goals and expected myself to perform to certain levels in different disciplines. Back in the year 2013, I remember being handed a 22 page planning notebook by one Henry Kachaje so that I could fill in and define what I wanted my life to be like in 10 years time. As it stands, I can with mixed emotions confirm that my life will not be as I wrote it in the planner (which I am sure Henry is keeping in a safe place and ready to give back so that we can feel bad). This is partly because I have chosen to revise the dream and change career direction and partly because I do not think I will be able to realize some of the dreams (honestly I think I am running a bit too late for being married and having two kids like I documented in the planner). I am not too sure of what the conversation with Mr Kachaje will be then but I am sure I will be ready with my explanations and excuses when he comes charging at me to haunt me with the documentation of the dreams of a younger me.

Overwhelmed with these thoughts about expectations, I dragged one of my good friends into my maze by asking her what she thought about expectations. I did this in line with the fact that on top of personal expectations there always are people who expect us to do certain things at certain times. In a few minutes, we were locked in a deep conversation on how expectations matter and how we need to view and value them based on where they are coming from. While I was of the extreme view of paying little attention to the expectations of others and more to your own, el good friend told me that sometimes its good to think about what others who matter think about and expect from you.

The chat on expectations took me on another ride back in the memory lane. I found myself reliving the 2010 moment after I had just gotten my Malawi School Certificate of Education results. Having performed that well, I knew that I had an almost clear path into my dream career of being a computer programmer. Ironically, it was this very moment that led to the death of the dream of being a coder as pressure from family and friends got me heading to the College of Medicine. The reasoning from family was simple. A health related career guaranteed job security and being a doctor higher perks. 

Having graduated from medical school and watched myself and classmates get compensated (instead of being paid) after some back-breaking work and scrambling for jobs, I am not too sure if the future they saw for me tallies with the life I am living now. One thing I am sure about, however, is that they meant well when they pointed down the road when I was opting to stop at the Polytechnic. I cannot complain about the life I live now and I love doing what I do in a bid to put food on the table nowadays, having crafted my own career path away from the mainstream medical practice that is expected of every medical graduate. I shut my ears to everyone who had a million expectations and saw me being either a DHO, senior Ministry of Health Official or some super specialist for the things I do now, and largely it is because I honor my expectations more. 

Having gone through what I have been through over the past week, however, I feel like it is high time I needed to consider how others envision me and adjust wherever necessary. It will be a difficult balance to strike because it may force me to spend my capital with people who are spending their profits but this is one thing we can't run away from, in all honesty. 

There we go. Expectations, whether our own or others are very real. We need to somehow strike the balance between the two in order to live a rational life because not all who expect us to live in a certain way wish us well. You may wonder why I haven’t included the dimension of what we expect from others. Perhaps we could in one line remind one another that it is safe to expect little from others and more from our own selves and if you think I am wrong with this one, check with those who had high hopes from the Vice President’s presser (s).

Happy new month! I hope ma resolutions aja akuyenda bwino. May your expectations be reasonable for the rest of the year.