Friday, 23 October 2020
Lessons from the Croc
Friday, 16 October 2020
They Lied
It is one wonderful Friday and once again we get to gather under
the shade of the Richie Online tree for a dose of some alternative wisdom in
the form of fact-based opinions. Here we are.
When I wrote the article last week, I did not get much of
feedback. I however found one of the two comments that I got very interesting.
In an article where I was writing about the longevity of relationships, someone
explained a different perspective that I have overlooked. Whereas I was talking
about relationships lasting longer than they used to and most people in
relationships taking it to the altar, this human explained how marriages are
not lasting nowadays. That one got me. I do not want to spend much time
commenting on this comment, but perhaps it is high time we balanced longevity
of a relationship with the longevity of the institution of marriage.
On to the stuff of the day.
Yesterday happened to be Mother’s Day in Malawi. It is the
day when we specially honor our mothers and celebrate them for the work they
did in raising us. It is the sort of day on which I buy groceries for a certain
amount and drop them by a Naphiri’s place only to get back home with things
equaling or surpassing the value on the way back. That was the thing we all
used to get criticized for back then. The Google age has brought in a different
dimension. Mother’s day is more about people uploading pictures of their
mothers on social media platforms, expressing how they miss their departed
mothers and more interestingly others criticizing their friends for posting. I
like the new line of criticism that came out this year. Not that I agree with the
whole thing of criticizing one another for what people post (as I said, osamapangirana
zochita), but I found it interesting to see someone bashing some people for
posting their pastor’s wives with Mother’s day.
Joined the bandwagon
of people who post pictures of their mothers on the day. There were a lot of
reactions to the pictures and most of them were positive. Only a few people
diverted from the focus of the pictures, my mum and went on to comment on my
unkempt hair and beards. That was to be expected, anyway but that is not the
point. The point is that there were people who took jabs at me for posting
pictures of me and my mum while I did not do anything for her. Where they got
the information on the latter, I am not sure.
This does not concern you that much, but I just want to give
you a bit of the reasoning behind posting my mum on the day. I prefer to mark
Mother’s day as the beginning of an appreciation week for my mum whose birthday
falls within these days. We can all agree here that those of us who are privileged
to have lived with our parents have something unique that we cherish them for.
There is one thing about my mum and that is the fact that she knows how to
start, hold and sustain a conversation. I can sit with that woman and chat for
3 hours straight and none of us would get bored. I hardly do that with any of
my family members. I found myself thinking about that attribute when I began to
compare my mum with other people with whom I ideally should be having good
conversations. Anthu sititha kucheza out here.
Human interaction hinges on conversations and actions.
Whether there is good interaction or bad blood between people mostly depends on
conversations between two parties. Lately we have seen people compliment each
other about kutha kucheza; entailing that the recipient of such good words
mastered the art of human interaction. I regret to report to you that they
lied. They are just excited about what you did at that particular moment.
Simutha kucheza, ankolo. Well. Maybe you do. Here is my point.
The first important stage in interaction is picking who to
interact with and for what. Not everyone you meet will be your friend in the
long term. Some people, however, seem to not know or to deliberately ignore
this fact. The result is that people tend to put too much effort into friendships
that were not supposed to exist in the first place. Now those ones do not work
as well as they are supposed to be and sometimes, they turn toxic.
The next important bit in the kucheza process is knowing
what kind of topic to pick with who. Might not seem important but the subject
of a chat needs to be thought through along the lines of context, person,
relevance and other things along those lines. You cannot discuss everything
with everyone. Just last night, I met a guy who just popped by where I was chatting
with my friend at some bar and began telling us how he was robbed on the way
from a drinking escapade a few days back. Did we care? No. We could not hide
our boredom and we took out our phones breaking what was a phones off chat. And
then people have this habit of bringing up sensitive issues with strangers;
issues of sexuality and religion, for example. I like to believe that it is not
just my opinion when I say that such issues need to be reserved for people with
whom you have known well for some time. I have a couple of atheist friends, but
I never have had the cajones to bring issues of religion when we have our casual
chats. Guess why? They are not even relevant. I mean… Why not talk about football,
movies or art? Some would wonder why I do not make the attempt to convert them. Story for another day.
Then there is the issue of knowing when to do what in a friendship.
There are times that you need to amplify and times that you need to take a step
back depending on the signs. Friendship are conceived for different reasons and
end for different reasons too. It might be an issue of unfulfilled expectations.
Sometimes people hear the wrong thing about you and begin to sideline you.
These are things that happen but some of us do not handle them well and we tend
to either miss or ignore the signs, ending up with forced friendships. This
point cannot go without saying that friendship requires reciprocation as
needed. When people do good things for you, you repay them with kindness. The
opposite is not true, according to Christian teaching but the point is that noticing
the kindness you used to get waning might be a sign that it is time to leave.
Of course there is the issue of the balance between holding on to something
that is not so useful and letting go of something that you could have
benefitted from. Nkhani zovuta izi.
Like I said, not everyone knows how to handle these things
in their entirety so if anyone told anyone that amatha kucheza, they lied.
A little confession.
When I posted that the title of today’s article would be
what it is, I had not put together a single word on paper. I actually posted
that to see if I could get any ideas and ideas I got. In the spirit of not disappointing
those who contributed, let me share what people thought about people who lied.
We are a hundred and something days into the mandate of the
Tonse gaffment (which rude people have decided to call goofment). A couple of
weeks ago, el president presided over a media briefing in which he shared some
of his achievements in his first 100 days in office. Some of you got mad and
bashed the president for calling a glorifed presser to talk about achievements
when he actually did not talk about achievements. Well. I will not comment on
that despite some of you pushing me to write about it. I will however comment
on the complacency and failure to implement the campaign promises on time on
the new gaffment’s part. Remember 30 days amnesty? Have we heard of anyone
returning money they stole from gaffment coffers? Expedited trials in
corruption cases? A dedicated court for corruption cases? Hasn’t happened,
right? Okay. I will not talk about 1 million jobs in the first year because we it
is a bit too early; although I must admit that it doesn’t look too good. To
some, the Tonse guys lied. Kuli nkhani ya ngongole iyi. Imeneyo ndisaipute
kaye. I don't think it is time for me to start stepping on the toes of this government. Not yet, at least.
Then there is the issue of the prophets of doom in the
Covid-19. They somehow fed numbers to a computer and came up with a conclusion
that millions of people were going to be infected and more than fifty thousand
people will die. According to them, June and July were going to be the worst
months to be a Malawian as we were going to be dying Italy style. Some people
died, and the number may be higher than the one the official reports are
showing but it surely is not 50k. There are probably more infections than we
are made to believe, but they are not 15 million as others wanted to make us
believe. Those guys lied to us.
I will also take liberty to remind you of your ex-spouses
who told you that they could not live without you. You parted ways, but did
they die? I put it to you, they lied too. And what about that guy who came to
you and wanted a soft loan of ka fifty thousand. He said he will give you on
Tuesday, right? Eeetu. Angongole. They lied too. Your prophet told you that you
would get married by the end of 2019. Let’s not get into that, though.
A lot of people did say a lot of things to you. But they
lied.
Friday, 9 October 2020
Of Relationships and Longevity
It is one wonderful Friday and once again we get to have an
article. This is not any other article; it is the comeback of the founding father
of this blog. Richie himself is writing this in ink using an ostrich’s feather.
This will later be digitally transcribed and sent out for you to enjoy as you
are now. Long process, isn’t it?
It is hard to come after the Venomous Hope, who I believe is
the guest writer who has written the most articles on Richie Online. That guy
got a lot of praise and offers of drinks, a thing I have not received in a long
time. I am jealous of him, but on the other hand, I think he deserves it. As I
pointed out for those who receive the articles via WhatsApp, that was probably the
best article I have read around here in a very long time. Where very long time
shall mean some months. Maybe 4. Uyu angatichedwetse. On to the topic of
the day.
Now I understand that people have their expectations on what
they think should appear on Richie Online based on the issues in the air. I am
not very good at commenting on current affairs. When I do that, I mostly end up
on the wrong side of issues and I step on toes. After all, one Nkhwachi Mhango
once rightly gave a criterion for defining the purity of a Richie Online article
in a way I had never thought about. According to him, pure Richie Online
articles are not topical. They do not seek to comment on current affairs or anything
of the sort. They are just fact-based opinions. A random piece about Ndirande,
reminding you that your bae won’t marry you and things along those lines. That
is what we are all about, here at Richie Online. That being said, I would have
loved to comment on how your president shook hands and walked around without a face
mask in Tanganyika and the first 100 days of the new gaffment. We can
talk about that if you want me to, but just not here. What I can do is one
thing, though; I will unconditionally condemn any form of sexual abuse as it is
at best a very inhuman thing to do.
Last night I was involved in a sensitive conversation with a
certain friend who I was catching up with after a very long time. You have
guessed right; we were talking about relationships. In a rather accelerated
way, this good friend of mine jumped from a greeting straight into telling me about
her ex boyfriends. Well then. The chat got a bit uncomfortable as I was not
sure what might have triggered such. Turns out people have things they need to
let out but they do not have people to empty them to. Or so I thought. We had a
good chat about relationships although I am pretty sure that the chat left the
both of us a bit more depressed than we were before it.
My love for the social media cannot be overemphasized. I
like me my WhatsApp and I like me my Facebook and other than posting stupid
things, the other thing I like the most about Facebook is the memories.
Facebook for some reason developed a feature that digs up posts from years back to let us celebrate the
anniversaries of our stupidity. I am a big fan of those memories and having
gotten a notification that my memories for today were ready, I dashed over to
check. I was greeted by posts about the birth of my friend’s first born son;
Kim Kaitano. Happy birthday to that little man.
The most important memory I saw, however, was that of the
first time I changed my relationship status on Facebook. That was a good six
years ago on this very day. That post had more than 70 comments and mind you,
this was before this whole thing of replying was a thing. Somehow people got
excited about the whole thing and made it some sort of a big conversation. I understand
why. People had, for long, known me as the sort of guy who was a little too
rigid to get a girl. Anadabwa ndithu.
In those days, relationship statuses used to be a big deal.
People were using every option that was on that list; single, in a relationship,
in a domestic partnership, in a complicated relationship, married and what not.
Then there was the changing. Somehow people felt obliged to change relationship
statuses once there was a change in their love lives. A good friend of mine
whose name I won’t mention had his laptop close by on his wedding day just so
that he could update his status to married as soon as the officiation was over.
Others went on to create memes about relationship statuses saying that they
ought to be changed for a specific number of times, after which they should set
the default for a particular person to unstable. This was to take swipe at
people who kept jumping between single and in a relationship or something of
the sort.
Thoughts about relationship statuses and the conversation I
had last night gave me some memories about how relationships used to end for
almost no reason back then. Compared to the later day, relationships seem to survive
a bit more than they are nowadays. I am not saying I want us to go back to the
time when people used to break up at will, but I was wondering if the longevity
of modern day relationships is a good thing or a bad thing. I might try to
tackle that a bit later but I think for now the important thing to do would be
to explore why this might be the case.
The reason that is coming to mind with prominence is that
most of the people in my circle have aged and have aged well. People who age
well plan and execute their relationships well and as such there is very little
room for breakups. On the other side of the same coin, it might just be that
people are just enduring relationships to avoid the shame of breakups. Think of
this. You are over 30 and half your friends are married. Every time you post a
wedding invitation card people ask you when your own wedding is. You wouldn’t want
to let go of a partner unnecessarily in that situation. Akazi ndi amuna
akuvuta kupeza.
Then there is the issue of the general lowering of
expectations of what one can get from a relationship and from a partner. It is a
fact that by the age of 25 most of us tend to have gone through at least one heart
break. These heart breaks have created a generation of broken people. As the
saying goes, hurt people hurt people. People whose hearts were broken break
hearts. When people go into relationships nowadays, it is most likely one
broken person meeting another and with their heart breaks in mind, it is hard
for them to fully give and fully expect true love. They just get by, really.
One day at a time becomes the motto. HD photos here. Cake there. Dinner there. Pang’ono
pang’ono until the wedding day comes.
Then there is the issue of social media relationships. That
I will not dwell on.
Timalize iyi yaleroyi.
It is a good thing that relationships are surviving more
than they used to back then. At least in my circle that is. They may be
surviving for a good reason but with negative motivation attached, but they are
surviving still. That is something to applaud, isn’t it?
That being said, it is important to understand that relationships
are meant to be enjoyed and not endured as is marriage. There is a need for
balance between enjoying life and fulfilling social norms of getting married.
Forever is a long time so it is not good to stick to something for the sake of others.
Eeetu. Pitani ku Friday basi. Taweruka.
Friday, 2 October 2020
Aborting the Bill and the Cartel
by the Venomous Hope
Returning to
this esteemed pulpit always gives me pleasure, the doc who owns it has kindly
allowed me [again] muckrake a few issues. It is perhaps high time I grant
myself the greatest honour, the moniker of ‘permanent guest’, now that this is
beyond my 10th article on this forum. Writing an expose for an
audience that speaks very good overseas English can be painstakingly demanding,
I will have to remind myself to make an effort to find out whatever the Rich
eats every Friday, I am reliably told there’s always a secret recipe in chiwaya chapa Chitawira. I have to
confess though that it is more stressful to come up with an introduction, never
mind a good one. It is why these few sentences are as good as you can get.
The hot potato
these past two weeks has been the so-called Abortion Bill, and when you sniff
your radio for just some seconds you can’t avoid meeting some sort of experts
on the subject, trying to outdo each other in one way or the other, for
different causes and income. The bill has pitted, I must say, health
specialists and Civil Society Organizations (SCOs) on the one hand, and
religious gurus and some ‘concerned prospective fathers’ on the other. The
proponents of the Bill want to legalize safe abortion because of unaccounted
number of complications that come because many girls and women keep trying to
cut corners to get rid of the unborn child. For them, they want health
practitioners to take charge of the process, and in a way, to save the mothers.
The facts are bare for our perusal: for starters, alarming figures that WHO
reports hover around 56 million abortions performed per year on earth alone, the
number can be twice higher on planet Titan now that the mad Thanos is dead. And
in 2005 alone, some healthy ministry officials revealed that 67, 000 induced abortions
were recorded in the country, this is very bad if that’s the trend. Flipping
through some of the reasons why women resort to abortion, one may be tempted to
conclude that beyond the curtain the problem has been social-cultural and
ultimately more about our poverty levels, paja Chakwera has inherited APM’s
role of leader of the least deveLoOped countries. Well some of the reasons
include: desire for girls to stay in school (really?); extramarital pregnancy
(majority of the cause); kuchembeza mwachangu wina asanasiye kuyamwa; pregnancy
from incest, defilement and rape; and of course poverty.
Some of those
reasons are well-intentioned and it may be tempting to join the bandwagon of safe
abortion activism along the way. It must be said, however, reading the Bill
itself, that not every pregnant soul will have a free pass for abortion. Termination
of pregnancy will only “be necessary to prevent injury to the physical or
mental health of a pregnant woman” and also in cases that there is malformation
of the foetus, or if it endangers the life of the pregnant mother. The grey
area that has produced a lot of misinterpretations is probably the so-called mental health, which is fast becoming a
popular card that even our friend Chisale tried to use in order to end his
ordeal at Maula Prison. The Bill, according to some experts, is just trying to correct
some healthy risks and make it as safe as possible for our dear women and
girls.
Well one may
ask if most of the religious inspired opponents of the bill have read it with
sober mind, mwina sanawerengenso nkomwe.
The flawed statement that the country is a
God-fearing nation has resurfaced, well with much voluminous venom. Of
course it’s a fact that almost every soul in the country profess to a Higher
Being of some sort, the following subtle numbers give a candid reflection: Malawi
has an estimated 23% Catholics, 29% Protestants [Anglicans, CCAP &
Lutherans], 10% are Muslims, others [rastas, Amboni, Pentecostals, and
humanists] make up at least 25%. Unsurprisingly, all the who is who of
religious bodies in the country have ganged up to put pressure on the MPs to
reject the Bill at whatever cost, no discussion or compromises. We all know
that these religions are not only Abrahamic and foreign, but are also
idealistic in that the doctrine is as powerful as the law of the land. For the
most Christians, including yours truly, the infinite strands of moral compass
are absolute and non-negotiable in as far as a future life in paradise is
concerned. Tragedy will be the time when religion will be proved to be one
large conspiracy and a lie all along… Well gods exist so we have to bring the
fight to them, so they say. A blunt example of an absolute truth held by
Christians migrated from Bible at Exodus
20:3 which reads, “You shall not murder.” It is one of the popular verses
making rounds in defense of those who oppose Abortion Bill, you cannot justify
any killing whatsoever even if the foetus is only a minute old. And the
following the catalogue of some references you will hear throughout the debate:
-Jeremiah 1:5- before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before
you were born I set you apart, I appointed you as prophet to the nations.
-Qur’an 5:32: whosever has spared life of a soul it is as
though he has spared the life of all people. Whosever has killed a soul, it is
as though he has murdered all mankind.
-Qur’an 17:32: Kill not your offspring for fear of poverty,
it is we who provide for them and for you. Surely, it is a great sin,
I declare that direct abortion,
that is, abortion willed as an end or as a means, always constitutes a grave
moral disorder, since it is the deliberate killing of an innocent human being. Pope John Paul II, Evaangelium Vitae,
1995.
I will not
dwell much on the demerits of these, but for the sake of progress, the abortion
bill is a positive aspect for the wellbeing of a Malawian woman for the sole
reason that it is meant to provide for the safe termination of the pregnancy.
As a country, we should mend the behaviour of the citizenry so that the
pregnancy procured is cared for and mutually accepted “mentally” [whatever it
may mean]. In principle, we should as a country be working more on the
social-cultural problems that force women, and especially girls, to fall
pregnant, all how we can rid the country of bandits who go about raping women
in our villages. It is a fact that these religious groups have failed short on
the moral duty on shaping the society to reach the godly standards they aspire
for us; they have done little to impart moral thrust into their faithful. Most
importantly, abortion bill answers the same critical dilemmas that religion
fails to, you remember those exceptions that will allow women to abort? My
thoughts on the Bill have summarized in this statement made by one Stanley
Hauerwas:
It may be that
issues such as abortion are finally not susceptible to intellectual solution. I
do not mean to suggest that we cease trying to formulate the problem in the
most responsible manner possible, but rather that, our best recourse may be to
watch how good men and women handle the tragic alternative we often confront in
abortion situations. For no amount of ethical reflection will ever change the
basic fact that tragedy is a reality of our lives. Point is reached where we must have the
wisdom to cease ethical reflection and affirm that certain issues indicate a
reality more profound than the ethical.
[Message from Richie: Take a water break here.]
Talking about more
profound real ethical issue, our dear
honourable souls at the National Assembly felt like their libido has been emotionally
bruised beyond repair this week when revelations that up to 10, 000 condoms are
consumed every month. Haha! 10, 000 condoms per month. Funny that they also do
care more about their reputation when embarrassing issues like these come to
light. And some MPs struggled to justify the high number of intake for the
commodity saying it is not only them lining up to get the rubber but also other
stakeholders, viz: journalists, constituency visitors, and staff members, and
of course official capital concubines; it is them who frequent the handout desk
and they have tarnished their image by collecting the condoms en masse. Some
even went to town to demand an immediate apology, withdraw of the inaccurate
statement, and the speedy sacking of the one who released those holy findings.
I am struggling to see why they are fuming with anger when it is Parliament
itself that procures condoms on our taxes for free distribution during any
sittings; it just shows they are in on the act. Kapena amafuna akananenera mwanseri. 99% of the MPs have
wives/husbands that normally follow them on the television back in their
villages, but a large cartel of concubines also usually follows whenever they
are back in the capital. Its hot business such that those hefty allowances need
to be shared. As long as it helps them to actively participate in the debate we
cannot blame them for wanting more of flesh of Bwandiro.
On a final
note, it looks like the DPP has now come to their senses to take the
responsibility of opposing the government. A cat and mouse fight, however, for
the position of leader of opposition (LoOp) has degenerated into a civil war
within the once mighty party such that a day doesn’t elapse before you hear
dirty linen being smeared in media among the remaining party cadres. Many
people have spoken of the need for self-cleansing in the party so that they may
regain even a tiny fraction of the trust they had with the people of their
stronghold, the Lomwe belt, and these tags of wars are not helping because it
seems not everyone is willing to let the process of healing permeate within the
rank and file. It has become a party that doesn’t understand its own
constitution, yet they have a president who is a professor emeritus of law.
After some sanity, the secretariat decided to grant the wish its remaining 50+
MPs to conduct an impromptu election on LoOp, and APM had a rude awakening as a
result. APM’s adopted son Francis Kasaila, who still has a pending case on the
legitimacy of his parliamentary win in 2019 at the High Court, was soundly defeated
when MPs opted for Kondwani Nankhumwa to carry on as LoOp despite the hierarchy
creating various news snippets meant to undermine his rise to power. Kasaila
got a mere 4 votes against Nakhumwa’s 38. And another big wig, Bright Msaka,
the party’s vice president in the East, was nominated and even had a
secondment, but he only got a single vote {he voted himself}, perhaps the
nominators changed their mind midway during the voting. When we thought that
dust has settled, the party publicist Brown Mpinganjira spoke on radio saying
that it is the party that elects the LoOp and not the Mps so what happened in
parliament was an anomaly that will be corrected when the inner circle meet.
Nankhumwa may
have won the battle yesterday; it will take sacrifices to be universally
accepted as the de facto leader of DPP as long as APM is still pulling the
strings at his retirement Lodge in Mangochi. At this rate, DPP will never
wrestle back the power of running the affairs of this country, anaonongera pa mpando. And I personally
am not convinced with the caliber of successors within the party, including
Nankhumwa himself. So far, the front runners to succeed APM at the convention
[Mpinganjira says in 5yrs time] include Nankhumwa, Uladi Musa, George Chaponda,
Msaka, and Kasaila. Chakwera or Chilima will not even need to do campaign to
soundly defeat the lot. When we say we need new blood we don’t mean Nankhumwa,
he has never for starters accepted that the chaos created by his party when in
power brought the country on its knees in the last couple of years. And to
quote one letter from other party NGC inviting him to a party disciplinary
hearing, “he must come forward to explain his education background.” Ha! Come
on, this was a good opportunity for him to show he was the grain among the chaff
in DPP.
Going forward
however, the party needs serious rebranding. They should wean themselves from
anything to do with the Mutharikas, the so-called NGC members should gang up
and force APM to give up power so that he pours some energy in his remaining
limbs to defending family friend Chisale on the large amounts of our taxes he
accumulated on their behalf. I must say, they should also get rid of the old
guard that have been surviving on the party for their daily bread and rentals.
The cartel of advisors who have never won any public position other than
serving the president with lies like Francis Mphepo; get rid over-recycled
politicians like Chenji Golo, Ntaba, and Mpinganjira; remove from positions of
influence politically compromised villains like Mchacha, Chaponda, and that bankrupt
convict in the North, Reverend Nzomera Ngwira. Anyway, that job will never
happen because APM still feels he is untouchable and has a say on the direction
of the party.
Now that
Nankhumwa has successfully negotiated his rise to LoOp [ultimately getting back
to the salary scale of cabinet ministers], I expect him to unmask himself and
become a character that can give hope so that the defeat in 2025 election will
not be unequivocally embarrassing. Nankhumwa has always tried his best to avoid
being embroidered in chaos, he uses his henchmen like Mchacha and one Victor
Musowa to fight his battles. After a lot insulting at rally, he comes like an
angel with a sober voice to bring message of unity. The only time he had come
out of his shell he was soundly embarrassed by Chakwera at parliament for
posing puerile questions. It’s a nice trick in politics, of playing the Virgin
Mary character, but he will not connect well with the people because a lot of
energy is wasted on trying to be as perfect as the heaven itself. Even if it is
the real Nankhumwa, the shadow of his associates is a menace for the future of
DPP, it is how the presidency is captured.
Thanks for
reading folks, enjoy your weekend.