Of Relationships and Longevity

 

It is one wonderful Friday and once again we get to have an article. This is not any other article; it is the comeback of the founding father of this blog. Richie himself is writing this in ink using an ostrich’s feather. This will later be digitally transcribed and sent out for you to enjoy as you are now. Long process, isn’t it?

It is hard to come after the Venomous Hope, who I believe is the guest writer who has written the most articles on Richie Online. That guy got a lot of praise and offers of drinks, a thing I have not received in a long time. I am jealous of him, but on the other hand, I think he deserves it. As I pointed out for those who receive the articles via WhatsApp, that was probably the best article I have read around here in a very long time. Where very long time shall mean some months. Maybe 4. Uyu angatichedwetse. On to the topic of the day.

Now I understand that people have their expectations on what they think should appear on Richie Online based on the issues in the air. I am not very good at commenting on current affairs. When I do that, I mostly end up on the wrong side of issues and I step on toes. After all, one Nkhwachi Mhango once rightly gave a criterion for defining the purity of a Richie Online article in a way I had never thought about. According to him, pure Richie Online articles are not topical. They do not seek to comment on current affairs or anything of the sort. They are just fact-based opinions. A random piece about Ndirande, reminding you that your bae won’t marry you and things along those lines. That is what we are all about, here at Richie Online. That being said, I would have loved to comment on how your president shook hands and walked around without a face mask in Tanganyika and the first 100 days of the new gaffment. We can talk about that if you want me to, but just not here. What I can do is one thing, though; I will unconditionally condemn any form of sexual abuse as it is at best a very inhuman thing to do.

Last night I was involved in a sensitive conversation with a certain friend who I was catching up with after a very long time. You have guessed right; we were talking about relationships. In a rather accelerated way, this good friend of mine jumped from a greeting straight into telling me about her ex boyfriends. Well then. The chat got a bit uncomfortable as I was not sure what might have triggered such. Turns out people have things they need to let out but they do not have people to empty them to. Or so I thought. We had a good chat about relationships although I am pretty sure that the chat left the both of us a bit more depressed than we were before it.

My love for the social media cannot be overemphasized. I like me my WhatsApp and I like me my Facebook and other than posting stupid things, the other thing I like the most about Facebook is the memories. Facebook for some reason developed a feature that digs up posts from  years back to let us celebrate the anniversaries of our stupidity. I am a big fan of those memories and having gotten a notification that my memories for today were ready, I dashed over to check. I was greeted by posts about the birth of my friend’s first born son; Kim Kaitano. Happy birthday to that little man.

The most important memory I saw, however, was that of the first time I changed my relationship status on Facebook. That was a good six years ago on this very day. That post had more than 70 comments and mind you, this was before this whole thing of replying was a thing. Somehow people got excited about the whole thing and made it  some sort of a big conversation. I understand why. People had, for long, known me as the sort of guy who was a little too rigid to get a girl. Anadabwa ndithu.

In those days, relationship statuses used to be a big deal. People were using every option that was on that list; single, in a relationship, in a domestic partnership, in a complicated relationship, married and what not. Then there was the changing. Somehow people felt obliged to change relationship statuses once there was a change in their love lives. A good friend of mine whose name I won’t mention had his laptop close by on his wedding day just so that he could update his status to married as soon as the officiation was over. Others went on to create memes about relationship statuses saying that they ought to be changed for a specific number of times, after which they should set the default for a particular person to unstable. This was to take swipe at people who kept jumping between single and in a relationship or something of the sort.

Thoughts about relationship statuses and the conversation I had last night gave me some memories about how relationships used to end for almost no reason back then. Compared to the later day, relationships seem to survive a bit more than they are nowadays. I am not saying I want us to go back to the time when people used to break up at will, but I was wondering if the longevity of modern day relationships is a good thing or a bad thing. I might try to tackle that a bit later but I think for now the important thing to do would be to explore why this might be the case.

The reason that is coming to mind with prominence is that most of the people in my circle have aged and have aged well. People who age well plan and execute their relationships well and as such there is very little room for breakups. On the other side of the same coin, it might just be that people are just enduring relationships to avoid the shame of breakups. Think of this. You are over 30 and half your friends are married. Every time you post a wedding invitation card people ask you when your own wedding is. You wouldn’t want to let go of a partner unnecessarily in that situation. Akazi ndi amuna akuvuta kupeza.

Then there is the issue of the general lowering of expectations of what one can get from a relationship and from a partner. It is a fact that by the age of 25 most of us tend to have gone through at least one heart break. These heart breaks have created a generation of broken people. As the saying goes, hurt people hurt people. People whose hearts were broken break hearts. When people go into relationships nowadays, it is most likely one broken person meeting another and with their heart breaks in mind, it is hard for them to fully give and fully expect true love. They just get by, really. One day at a time becomes the motto. HD photos here. Cake there. Dinner there. Pang’ono pang’ono until the wedding day comes.

Then there is the issue of social media relationships. That I will not dwell on.

Timalize iyi yaleroyi.

It is a good thing that relationships are surviving more than they used to back then. At least in my circle that is. They may be surviving for a good reason but with negative motivation attached, but they are surviving still. That is something to applaud, isn’t it?

That being said, it is important to understand that relationships are meant to be enjoyed and not endured as is marriage. There is a need for balance between enjoying life and fulfilling social norms of getting married. Forever is a long time so it is not good to stick to something  for the sake of others.

Eeetu. Pitani ku Friday basi. Taweruka.